She scrutinized my face.
“You’re not homesick, stuck out here in the middle of nowhere?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“You’re not bored? Missing your friends?” she asked.
“I’m okay. Really.”
“Well. Nevertheless, I shall remind my daughter not to take advantage of your good nature.” She sighed. “And how would you say Ruth has been? Edwin’s little accident gave her a shock, of course.”
I was saved from replying by Dominic calling us through to the dining room for lunch.
I didn’t talk to Ruth properly until the Monday, when Dominic and Vera had returned to London and she and I were sitting in the kitchen, trying to ignore the gray drizzle outside and planning our activities for the week.
“My mother says I’m not to overwork you,” she said, looking at me sideways. I smiled.
“Well, you haven’t so far, and I promise to tell you if you do,” I said, and she seemed satisfied with this. She pushed a leaflet across the table to me.
“There’s some kind of indoor play center opened up, look,”she said. “I thought I’d take Edwin along this afternoon and see what it’s like. Let him burn off some energy. They do coffee and cakes.” She paused for a moment. “You might prefer to stay here and have some downtime, or study or whatever, but—” She looked at me. “If you fancy coming along to try the coffee with me, I’d be glad of the company.”
A warm glow spread through my chest.
“I’d love to come.”
As it turned out, the place was dimly lit and overheated, and we had to talk over the noise of wailing babies and shrieking children. But Edwin thoroughly enjoyed the padded climbing structure with its slides and ball pool, and Ruth and I chatted for an hour and a half as if we were friends.
The miserable weather persisted for the rest of the week, but Edwin and I were happy enough dividing our time between the day nursery and the kitchen.
“My mum used to do lots of baking with me when I was your age,” I told him.
“Did she let you do the whisking all by your own?”
I smiled. “No. She always had to hold it too. But you can press the button if you like.” His little hands gripped the electric whisk under mine, his elbows jutting out on either side, a fierce determination on his face. The clatter of the metal beaters against the sides of the bowl triggered an unexpected swell of emotion in me: nostalgia, mixed with a powerless anger. Mum and I used to do this all the time before Beaky moved in. Beaky didn’t like mess in the kitchen; Beaky didn’t like children “traipsing around to the neighbors with cakes they’ll only throw in the trash.” I left enough mixture in the bowl for Edwin to scrape out and enjoy while the cakes rose in their tins in the oven.
We pulled on coats and wellies on the Friday and splashed along the lane to see whether Joel was in the cottage withMichael, but no one answered the door, and we had to splash home again. On the Saturday, I agreed to babysit so that Dominic and Ruth could go out for dinner.
They left their bedroom door ajar, and I couldn’t help but glance in after I’d settled Edwin to sleep. There was a single framed photo on the chest of drawers by the window. I tiptoed in. Two blond toddlers in stripy T-shirts, each with an arm over the other’s shoulder; the one that looked more like Edwin grinning at the camera, the other sticking his bottom lip out. It must have been taken not long before Theo’s accident, I thought. Ruth and Dominic must look at it every morning when they wake up, every evening as they go to bed.
It was the following Monday morning, after Dominic had left, that Alex rang.
“Oh, hello, Alex,” I heard Ruth say as she answered the phone.
I hovered in the kitchen, where Edwin was finishing his Weetabix cereal.
“This Friday?” I heard her say. “I might be.”
I glanced at the calendar. The square for Friday was blank.
“Yes, all right.” A pause, and then she gave a light laugh. “Absolutely. So easy. Come over when you’re ready.”
I put the kettle back on to boil as she wandered in.
“Tea?” I asked.
“Oh, yes, please. That was Alex. He wants to take me out for lunch on Friday.” She bent to drop a kiss onto Edwin’s head.
I attempted a smile, but she shook her head suddenly.
