Something in me breaks under the weight of that.
The sound that leaves my chest is not controlled. It is not dignified. It is raw, torn loose from somewhere deep enough that I do not recognise it as my own until it is already out in the open between us.
He brushes his thumb under my eye.
Gentle.
Comforting.
Only then do I realise I’m crying.
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
My body refusesto move too quickly this morning. The light filtering through the carved openings of Varek’s quarters is muted, green-tinted as always, but softer than usual, like even this world understands it should tread carefully today.
The air still smells faintly of smoke and iron. Even here. Even after hours of washing, resting, breathing, trying to pretend we’re not carrying the weight of yesterday in every part of us.
I don’t move.
Not yet.
Because Varek is still asleep, or close enough to it.
He doesn’t sleep like humans do. I figured that out quickly enough. There’s always a level of awareness in him, something coiled beneath the surface, but right now it’s quieter than I’ve ever felt it. Not gone, just… eased.
My head is resting against his chest, one arm draped across his waist, my fingers curled loosely into the warmth of his skin. His breathing is steady beneath me, deep and slow, and the rhythm of it anchors something inside me that hasn’t stopped vibrating since the moment that rift snapped shut.
I strengthen my hold on him slightly. I don’t want to wake him, but I need to confirm he’s still here. Still solid and real.
Yesterday…. Fuck. Yesterday feels like something that happened weeks ago and five seconds ago all at once.
We spent the day cleaning up. That’s the polite way of putting it.
The real version is, we spent the day gathering the dead, tending the wounded, rebuilding what we could, and trying not to look too long at the faces of the ones we couldn’t save. The settlement didn’t fall, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t cost us.
It always costs. And through all of it, I stayed close to Varek. Closer than I ever have to anyone.
Ten metres is probably the furthest I got from him at any point, and even that felt like too much. Every time he moved, I tracked the distance without thinking. Every time I lost sight of him, my heart ached until I found him again.
The funny part? I wasn’t the only one.
Varek didn’t say anything. Not once. But I felt it in the way his attention never fully left me. In the way he repositioned without thinking to keep me within reach. In the way the bond sat between us, not strained like before, but… alert. Protective. Like it had learned something from yesterday and wasn’t about to let it happen again without a fight.
And when I saw him?—
When I came out of the trees and saw him on his knees?—
The memory hits forcefully.
His shoulders dropping. The way he looked like something had been ripped out of him. How he hadn’t even opened his eyes at first.
Thinking I’d left… that I’d chosen Earth.
That should have broken me.
And yeah, it hurt.
