With people he cared about, with her, he could already feel the ghost of that old loss fraying all his edges, chasing away his usual composure. ‘Where are you?’
Loch Teárlag came into view between the trees, moonlight reflected in the still, black surface. He slowed, scanning the road. He might have driven right past her if he hadn’t been trained to pay attention to detail.
She was nothing more than a huddled silhouette perched on the curb. When his headlights washed over her, she squinted and covered her eyes. It was the first time he’d seen her with her hair down, brown waves pouring over her shoulders and sticking to her neck. He wondered why she kept them tucked away when they were so beautiful, so unruly – but then, he was beginning to understand that she enjoyed order.
Struan let out a long breath of relief as he pulled over on the opposite side of the road, keeping the engine running and the headlights on so that he could still see as he stepped out.
She looked at him sheepishly, a slight sway to her torso. ‘’Ello.’
‘Your phone died,’ he pointed out tersely as he approached.
‘A little bit.’
‘I’m going to shout at you about it when you’re sober tomorrow.’
‘No, you won’t. You don’t shout.’ She held out her hands, and he helped her up. ‘You’re a big friendly giant.’
It was difficult to stay annoyed at those words, uttered so matter-of-factly. She stumbled against his chest, and he steadied her, cupping her jaw to examine the tear tracks on her face. ‘What happened, sweetheart?’
‘Nothing, really.’ She tried to nudge him away, but he refused to let her. Not this time.
‘Was it Cam? Did you argue again?’
‘No. We had fun.’ A frown. ‘Too much fun, probably. I already have a headache.’
‘I brought water. Come on. Let’s get you home.’ He tried to usher her towards the car, but she finally prised herself away.
‘I don’t want to go back to the farm tonight.’
‘Why?’
Her eyes glistened, mouth forming around a confession that never came.
Her dad? Things had been tense between them over dinner that first evening, and Doug had been colder than usual when he’d talked about Rae the day after.
He was afraid that asking would only add another chink to her brittle armour, so he tugged her close again. ‘Okay. I won’t take you home.’
Finally, she surrendered, letting him guide her to the passenger seat. He leaned over her to fasten her seatbelt, the sour wine on her breath mingling with the syrupy potency of her perfume. That hooded gaze watched his every movement, and he felt it like needles in his skin. What did she think when she looked at him like that? What did she see? A mistake, like she’d all but said, or something else?
With her, he’d settle for any option, as long as he had her attention at all. Her intensity made him burn; she had the power to turn his defences to ash, strip him bare. He’d felt it even back then, the night she’d sat with him in his grief. She saw him,knewhim, without words needing to be exchanged.
‘Sorry for making you come out here,’ she said quietly after the seatbelt had clicked into place.
‘You can always call me if you need me. You don’t need to apologise. Except for wandering in the dark without a charged phone, maybe.’
A light smile feathered across her lips, and without warning, her fingers twirled in the hair at the nape of his neck. It was a tender display of care he’d never been shown before, making his chest tighten with a wish for more.
Carefully, he leaned in to press a chaste kiss to her forehead, then reached across to grab the bottle from the cup holder between the seats. ‘Drink this. Is it okay if I take you to my house?’
‘We’re breaking the rules,’ she pointed out through her slurs.
‘Good. I never liked having them in the first place.’ He flashed her a final, wolfish grin, then closed the door on her tuts. As he settled into the driver’s seat, he asked, ‘Am I going to be your second spew victim?’
‘No. The spewing happened already,’ she admitted ‘There is a very well-fertilised butterfly bush at the back of the tavern.’
He chuckled, turning the car around. It was an inconvenience, looking at the road when he wanted to look at her, but he tried to concentrate as best he could, tapping the steering wheel with his thumb.
‘Shame. I was looking forward to trauma bonding with Colin.’
