‘You should.’
‘Ican’t.’
Her fingers began to shake, eyes closing without permission as dizzying thoughts raced through her brain: what might happen if she let it. How he would touch her if she gave in. How terrifying it was to feel this way for the very first time.
The turmoil only cemented the truth: she was a bad person, because all she wanted was to kiss him again. Fuck, she’d even listen to him playing ‘Wonderwall’ if she had to.
She backed away like a wild, scared animal. His brows pinched, and he turned his attention to the kettle like he was waiting for it to pour itself into the mugs he’d set out.
‘Whatever you need,’ he said again, defeat dulling his tone this time.
All she really needed in this moment was him.
But as her empty stomach growled, what she actually said was: ‘Maybe a slice of toast?’
His smile was dry. ‘That, I can do.’
19
Struan stretched out the knots in his back, stiff from a night spent in the armchair. Rae had passed out on his bed not long after chowing down her toast and still snored softly now. It had gotten stiflingly hot during the night, so as much as he wanted to admire her sleeping form, he’d noticed her clothes had been thrown onto the floor at some point and didn’t dare linger. He’d heard her grinding her teeth, noticed she slept curled in on herself, and wondered whether it was born from the anxiety he’d already witnessed in her. All he wanted to do was soothe it, tell her she was safe here regardless of how complicated things had gotten between them.
Instead, he was tying the laces of his boots, the buttery morning glow seeping through his windows. Saturdays were busiest for tours, but the soaring temperature meant it wouldn’t be safe to hike his usual inclines, so he’d have to get creative. Maybe focus on the loch and rivers before taking the tourists through Belbarrow to spotlight the array of small businesses and woodlands it offered.
A gruff groan drew him out of his internal planning. ‘Too hot,’ Rae complained, throwing an arm over her face and wriggling over the squeaking springs of his mattress.He liked seeing her in his bed, wrapped in his teal blue sheets like she belonged there. Her hair was a tangled bird’s nest on his pillows.
‘Good morning to you, too,’ he quipped, unable to hide his smirk.
She groaned again, louder this time. ‘Why’s it so hot?’
‘Global warming, climate change, summer—’
‘Please be quiet,’ she begged.
‘Might we be a wee bit hungover this morning?’ He went to the kitchen to pour her a glass of water, then set it down on the nightstand along with a packet of Paracetamol.
She stopped hiding to fix him a stony glare. ‘What time is it?’
‘Time to get a watch. Or even better, a phone that’s actually charged. Lucky for you, I plugged it in last night.’
‘You’re insufferable.’
‘You love it.’ He perched on the edge of the mattress beside her, forcing the water into her hands when she didn’t take it willingly. ‘Are you feeling all right, hangover aside?’
‘Don’t know. I can taste peanuts. And I think your mattress tried to eat me in the night.’ She rose to a seat, massaging the back of her neck before plopping the painkillers into her mouth one at a time. ‘Be honest,’ she said with the tablet balanced on her tongue. ‘How awful do I look?’
He suppressed a laugh as he surveyed her. The creases in his pillow were imprinted on her cheek, her hair stuck out like she’d been standing on the peak of Ben Nevis in gale-force winds, and she still had yet to cover up her half-naked chest – yet,all Struan felt was that same pull he always did, the one that told him he was latched in her orbit for good. If anything, seeing her so dishevelled, vulnerable, only made him long for more mornings like this.
‘So, so awful,’ he lied. ‘Thank goodness you’ve not tried to kiss me again.’
Her eyes widened before disappearing behind her hands. ‘Oh, God. I did do that.’
‘You also insulted my interior design and ate all my peanut butter.’ After devouring the toast, she’d spooned the spread straight from the jar.
She licked her lips. ‘Okay, that explains some things. I’m really sorry, Stru—’
‘No.’ He placed a hand on her knee and drew circles with his thumb. ‘No apologies. Just please don’t wander around like that again. I’d prefer if you weren’t the reason for the next emergency I’m called to.’
Finally, she glanced down, yanking the duvet over her chest. ‘Oh, shit. Where are myclothes?’
