It was turned and locked now, especially when he tilted her chin to kiss her.
‘Maybe it’s Mercury,’ she suggested when he pulled away to rove over her chest.
‘What?’ His stubble brushed the space between her breasts, and she shivered. He felt so good, she was almost afraid to pay attention to it, mind beginning to race with all the ways this might end terribly. She could be awful at it. So awful he wouldn’t enjoy it at all, and then they’d spend the rest of their lives avoiding eye contact whenever they were in the same room. Or they could be so good together that she’d never be satisfied with anybody else. She’d fall, deeply, ruining her friendship with Martha – if not because she’d broken an unspoken rule, then because eventually they’d break up the way all couples did, and Martha would be put in the impossible position of having to choose between her brother and her best friend.
She forgot she’d said anything at all until Struan met her gaze expectantly.
‘In retrograde,’ she clarified. ‘Something has definitely gone wrong with the planets to get us here.’
‘That’s exactly what you want to hear before sex.’
‘Sorry. I’ll hush now.’ She spread her legs wider in invitation, every muscle in her body quivering not just with excitement, but nerves. The same she got before she locked herself in the freezer, when the kitchen was too busy and Yvette was yelling, so close Rae could feel her hot breath break through the rising steam of the frying pan. She couldn’t move without her elbow colliding with Yvette’s stiff torso, one of the reasons she’d spilled a whole pot of vegetables on her first day at Lapis,which had only made things worse.
Struan’s mouth closing over her nipple barely tore her from that memory. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to focus on how good it felt, but all that noise continued to crest like waves of static in her brain.
‘Sure you’re ready?’ he asked quietly.
She nodded without really remembering what she was agreeing to, because no, she wasn’t ready. She was spiralling, and there was no freezer to hide in, just this dry, stifling heat all around.
His tip brushed her centre, and she twitched involuntarily, leaning her back against the stone. Sex. That was what she’d agreed to – and shewantedto. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she turn it off? It was like the connection between her brain and her body had severed completely.
‘Rae,’ he said.
‘Hm?’
His face eclipsed the view of the branches above, that wrinkle back between his brows. ‘Where have you gone, sweetheart?’
‘I don’t know.’ She chewed her lip bashfully. When concern lined his features, she was quick to explain: ‘I think I’m nervous.’
‘We don’t have to do this—’’
‘I want to. So much. My brain just…’ She waved her hand to signal her inner mayhem. ‘It never switches off.’
‘What are you worried about?’
‘I don’t know,’ she repeated.
The intensity of the worry in his hazel eyes almost robbed her of breath. She was ruining it. He was so kind and thoughtful and he’d already given her so much, and she was ruining it all.
‘We can go somewhere else,’ he proposed. ‘Or do this any other way. Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.’
‘You,’ she said, and realised it was true. ‘I just need you.’
‘I’m already yours, Rae.’ It was uttered like a vow, and proven in the way he traced over her belly with such careful reverence.
Rae remembered, then, why she’d been so desperate moments ago, that fire rekindling in the very pit of her.
‘Tell me if something doesn’t feel right,’ he instructed.
She nodded, sure that would never happen. He touched her like he already knew exactly what she needed, sometimes even before she knew herself.
So, when she felt the tip of his shaft nudge at her entrance, she could do nothing but tug him closer by the shoulders, legs twining around him in a desperate need for more.
He listened, like he always did, sliding into her with controlled, patient care. His eyes never left her face, and she knew it was to make sure she only felt good.
She did, walls stretching around his length with a pleasant sting, legs clamping in a plea for him to go as deep as he possible could. She wanted to feel him everywhere. They swallowed one another’s gasps in open-mouthed kisses, her arms coiling around his neck as his frame trembled with restraint. When he’d sheathed himself fully, he stopped, giving her time she didn’t need to adjust.
She’d never felt so enmeshed with another person before, like they were made from the roots of the same tree.
