He met Rae’s worried gaze with his own trepidation. He thought they had longer. For what he wasn’t quite sure, but this? This was too sudden. Martha wouldn’t understand. She was too set in her ways. Even when they were younger, she’d treated his girlfriends badly if she didn’t approve. She’d argued with Mum many a time about how incompatible she was with her new boyfriend,Michael. She believed she knew what was best for everyone, liked things her way, and this…
This was not her way at all. This was them detached from Martha, and it felt wrong that he’d enjoyed that freedom so much. He knew that if she’d been in town when Rae arrived, this wouldn’t have happened. He and Rae would have spoken only in passing, only when Martha was there to anchor them, and even then she’d have hurried him on so she could enjoy Rae’s company without him cramping their style.
He loved his sister, had longed for her to come home since her last visit over Christmas, but now he felt as though she was snatching something from him.
Rae smoothed the wrinkles in her skirt, shoulders squaring with new – old – tension. Her hair, loose and damp, was promptly tied into its usual knot before she started rubbing the dirt and grass stains off Struan’s T-shirt and shorts, though they were barely noticeable and not exactly uncommon. Most of his clothes were spattered in mud, or torn, or faded.
‘Rae.’ His hands curled around her wrist to calm her…andto stop her from going near his crotch. She was getting dangerously close, and the last thing he needed was to get another boner.
She glanced at Audrey, mouth opening and closing as though she wanted to say something but couldn’t in front of their rapt audience.
A peal of laughter bellowed from inside – Doug’s, it sounded like, followed by Martha’s and Vik’s. They couldn’t spend all night out here, avoiding this, as much as Struan wanted to.
‘I don’t want this to go away,’ he whispered, knowing full well Audrey and her hawk ears could hear him just fine.
He found himself aching for some sort of confirmation that she felt the same, but Rae’s face shuttered all at once as she took a step back. Away.
‘This was wrong.’ Her monotone voice shattered something inside him, and only then did he realise just how quickly he’d fallen for her. How much he’d believed that they were right for each other, and would figure the rest out. ‘We can’t do this to her. She shouldn’t know, ever. We fizzle, like we agreed.’
Audrey clucked her tongue. They both ignored her.
He considered fighting for her, considered telling her it didn’t matter what anybody else thought, but it wouldn’t be true. Martha might be a difficult person to please and an easy person to piss off, but she was still his sister, and he loved her enough that the thought of angering her left him nauseous. Worse was the thought of tearing apart Rae’s friendship with her. They’d grown up attached at the hip. Rae had drawn the first smile and laugh out of Martha after Dad died. She’d been there after the break-up with Cam, and was the first person Martha had called when she’d gotten upset about Mum and Michael, claiming Struan was ridiculous for even entertaining the two of them.
He couldn’t imagine Martha without Rae, even if they’d grown apart recently. And he certainly couldn’t imagine what it would do to their already shrunken family if he was the reason something snapped between them.
‘Okay.Consider me fizzling.’ The lie tasted bitter as limes. This adoration, swelling inside him like a hot air balloon, wouldn’t fade quickly. She’d felt too much like the sanctuary he’d been yearning for without realising.
Rae’s chin wobbled, but her glare turned steely as she whirled on Audrey. ‘You can’t say anything, either.’
The older woman scoffed. ‘I’ve got far more interesting things to talk about, thank you very much. Mind you, I’ll not have you tell an old woman what she can and can’t mention in idle conversation.’
Rae rolled her eyes and said, ‘We’re going inside now.’ To Struan: ‘If Martha asks, you were just helping me in the fields.’
That was it then. No lingering, no final moment where it could be just the two of them. She didn’t even pose it as a question, rather an instruction she didn’t deign to wait for the response to.
Struan caught the front door before it slammed in his face, breathing in the waft of sweat and perfume that Rae left in her wake. At the sound of Martha’s bubbly chatter, he took a deep breath.
Everything was fine, he convinced himself. He just had to pretend he wasn’t devastatingly infatuated with his sister’s best friend, who had just rejected him in front of her grandmother.
How hard could it be?
24
Rae tightened her bun a final time before stepping into the kitchen, where Dad and Myra were sat with Martha and her girlfriend, Vik, chatting over a bottle of wine. She waited for the usual happiness that soared through her whenever she was in the same room as her best friend, but as she took in the strange scene, Martha reciting a story Rae had already heard about last winter’s trip to see Vik’s extended family in Mumbai, she only felt the same detachment she’d experienced in Sydney.
She didn’t stay unnoticed for nearly as long as she would have liked, Martha’s keen bright eyes finding her. ‘There you are! We thought you’d left us again!’
Rae was swept into a crushing vanilla-scented hug before she could respond, an anxious laugh falling from her. She just prayed she didn’t smell like woods, or waterfalls, or, God forbid, sex. Would Martha notice her damp hair? ‘I thought you weren’t coming until next week!’
Martha’s lips, painted their usual peach-pink shade, spread into a wide grin as she pulled away. ‘I couldn’t wait to share the— Struan!’
Rae didn’t dare glance behind her as Martha bulldozed her brother, though his voice still made her stomach twist. ‘Surprise.’
She fled to Vik quickly and offered a hug to the tall, muscular woman. She was Martha’s complete opposite in every way, with dark, chiselled features and short, inky hair swept to one side.Like if a Disney prince was a butch lesbianwas the exact way Martha had described her after their first date. Rae had met her only a few times in the three years they’d been dating, but she’d always mellowed Martha out with her relaxed humour – a perfect match, even if Martha hadn’t realised it until four dates in, when Vik had swept her off her feet with a planetarium visit.
‘Hang on,’ Martha said. ‘Did you two come in together?’
Sandwiching herself between Myra and Dad, Rae dared look at Struan. He was far better at feigning nonchalance than she was, his arm slung casually over Martha’s shoulders. ‘Little Rae and I are buddies now, aren’t we?’
