Martha shoved her playfully so that she had to hold on to the fence to remain steady. ‘Not that, but I’ll keep you as my backup. Just in case.’
Rae’s laugh came out stiff. With her thoughts still on Struan, it felt like she was living a double life. Hannah Montana-ing her best friend by lying to her about what –who– she wanted. Even if she and Struan weren’t seeing each other anymore, the feelings were there, roiling relentlessly just beneath her surface.
‘I wanted to ask you,’ Martha said, ‘if you’d be my maid of honour.’
Rae froze, prompting Roderick to nudge her for more scratchies. She was incapable of giving them, chest flooding with warmth at the way Martha’s eyes glittered. ‘Really? Me?’
‘Obviously. Who else?’
Maybe she was Martha’s oldest friend, but she wasn’t sure she’d done anything to earn this of late.
She trembled to think that Martha might regret asking at all if she found out about Struan. She couldn’t keep doing this, hiding. She needed to focus on making this friendship better, going back to who they used to be.
‘This is the part where you cry happy tears and say, “Yes, Martha, it would be an honour to be your maid of honour.”’
‘Of course,’ Rae stammered out, pulling Martha into a tight hug. Like Struan, she was taller than Rae, her chin resting in Rae’s hair as she squealed. ‘Itwouldbe an honour.’
‘I know things have been weird between us recently, but you’ll always be my best friend, Rae.’ Martha tugged away to look at her properly. Her cheeks were damp and round with the force of her unbridled smile. ‘You were the one who taught me how to really love someone at all. You were there for me through all of it. You were the first person I came out to, and the only person who didn’t try to cheer me up with meaningless words when my dad died. I wouldn’t have found my soulmate if I hadn’t found you, first.’
Rae’s lower lip wobbled. They weren’t the type to talk about how much they meant to one another; they had always just known.
To hear it reminded Rae of just how much she truly loved Martha – and how terrible she was for keeping something from her.
Now wasn’t the right time to say it, but she would tell her. Tomorrow, after the wedding, she’d be honest with her. It would be uncomfortable and awkward and maybe Martha would get angry, but Rae would do anything to make it right. Even if it meant she never got a chance to be with Struan.
‘I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend recently.’ Rae’s voice cracked.
Martha shook her head, taking her hand. ‘We were just out of sync, that’s all. We’ll figure it out, like we always do.’
Rae hoped that was true. She took a deep breath, leaning her head against Martha’s shoulder. It had been a long time since they’d last been in the same place, let alone so close, and Rae made a silent vow that she wouldn’t let them ever go this long without each other again.
‘I’m nervous about telling Mum. I just really, really want her to be happy for us.’
‘I know.’ Rae wiped a tear from Martha’s cheek. ‘Maybe if we get her drunk, she’ll forget about her obsession with reproduction?’
‘It’s a solid plan. Could work.’ Martha crossed her arms over the fence to cushion her chin. In the silence, there was no way for Rae to delay the question she desperately wanted an answer to.
‘Have you heard from Struan?’ She tried to sound as neutral as possible, a sort-of-friend enquiring because she sort-of-cared, like her world wouldn’t end if the answer was no.
But the answerwas‘No’, and Rae had to lock her knees to keep upright. She thought of him out there in the mountains, taking care of an injured family while trapped in the dark. Damp, sore, exhausted, and only getting more so with every passing hour.
‘I just checked the news on my phone and they said they were still trying to clear an entrance into the cave. It might be an all-nighter.’ The fact Martha didn’t seem at all worried was reassuring,at least. ‘Hope he doesn’t miss the wedding.’
‘Me too.’ As much as Rae craved his comfort in the midst of all this stress, it wasn’t the wedding she was really worried about; it was him. She thought of his lips on the back of her hand and fought a shiver, pulling Roderick closer in an effort to distract herself.
It didn’t work. She spent the rest of the night wide awake, waiting for her phone to light up the darkness.
It never did.
Rae hadn’t left the kitchen in over ten hours. From five a.m. the following morning, she paced the off-white tiles, chopping, stirring, marinating, roasting, sautéing, plating until the air was thick with stiflingly hot, spice-laden steam. The work at least kept her mind off Struan, who still had yet to respond to her texts, but she’d massively overestimated her ability to feed a three-course meal to sixty-eight guests from her humble home kitchen.
After putting the first two trays of cheese soufflés in the oven, she checked the clock, wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. Five p.m. The guests would be drinking cocktails now, hopefully keeping dry in the marquee. Rain spattered the kitchen windows, smearing her view of the fields until everything she knew was watery green and foggy yellow.
She went back to mashing the potatoes for the main course, the familiar scent of garlic and rosemary dragging her back into her body.She’d made these dishes a thousand times in kitchens far more stressful than this, for patrons far fussier and more critical than Harper’s wedding party. Everything would be fine.
Doug appeared at her shoulder, damp from his trip outside. He wore his kilt of grass-green Docharty tartan and a blazer that was practically bursting open at the seams around his broad shoulders, likely having last been worn when he was in his thirties.
‘One of the guests is asking if there’s a gluten-free option,’ he said, tugging the blazer off to roll up his shirt sleeves. When he placed it on the only clear section of the countertop, she moved it swiftly, folding it over a chair instead.
