Martha cleared her throat, and Rae felt the absence of Struan’s hand like a gut punch. She was pointedly glaring at him like a neon redKeep Offsign. He retreated warily. In the new light, Rae could see exhaustion written all over his features. He still had dirt under his fingernails, scratches over his palms. She should have been the one taking care of him, not the other way around.
‘Myra has been such a help in the farm shop. I’m really grateful to have her here,’ Rae said, if only to distract Martha.
‘Oh, I’m grateful she’s here, too. She keeps bringing home your jams. They’reheavenly,’ Harper blurted.
This time, Rae’s laughter wasn’t so forced. Those jams had prevented the kitchen from becoming a place she avoided altogether. By the time the Strawberry Fair came around, she’d have enough for a stall dedicated entirely to preserves.
Harper gasped as the opening chords of ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls pealed out through the speakers. She was already dragging Fraser away as she said, ‘We have to do theDirty Dancinglift to this one.’
‘Hm. Don’t think the baby would like that very much,’ Fraser responded, though moments later, he was twirling her, the train of her white dress eddying around their feet like a whirlpool.
The back of Rae’s throat burned. That unwavering adoration between them was almost tangible, strong enough to permeate the whole tent. At least when she’d been rushed off her feet at Lapis, she’d forgotten that the world still passed by outside. She hadn’t been aware of all the things she was missing out on. Now, she was in the thick of it, discovering what life was supposed to look like: joyful and full of love. How could she tell her dad that this first Sweetbriar wedding might have been a success, and given them some vital funds – but it was also the only wedding they’d be hosting? All that fighting, yet Rae didn’t have it in her to do another. Maybe her dad had been right all along and she’d been too stubborn to listen.
From across the tent, Vik beckoned to Martha with a wink. Martha shoved her drink into Struan’s hands, throwing him warning daggers. ‘Can I trust you to be left alone with my best friend?’
‘I don’t know. Am I at least allowed to ask her to dance?’ Struan questioned with a new bite.
‘I suppose.’ She rolled her eyes before joining Vik on the makeshift dance floor.
Struan set down both of their glasses and extended his hand to Rae. With the lighter strands of his hair catching the glow of the fairy lights, his hazel eyes liquid gold ringed with green, he was the most beautiful man Rae had ever seen, and her entire stomach somersaulted to think that, just half an hour ago, he’d called himself hers.
‘May I have this dance?’
Rae accepted despite her reservations, powerless to say no to him. He led her to the dance floor, strategically positioning them away from Martha and Vik. Rae had never been any good at dancing, but she followed his sways, so tired she was tempted to lean against his chest. Only the prickle of Martha’s scrutiny stopped her.
‘I’m going to tell her about us after we visit your mum,’ she confessed, keeping her voice low. ‘I don’t know if she’ll be okay with it, but I want to try.’
Struan laced his fingers through hers, his other hand resting on her hip. ‘I already asked for her permission to take you out. She didn’t like the idea then, and something tells me it won’t be easy to change her mind.’
Rae stilled in surprise. ‘When? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘The night they got here. I must have been more obvious than I thought. She caught me looking at you.’ He winced. ‘She doesn’t think I’m serious, but that’s because she doesn’t know us when we’re together.’
Rae’s mind spun, thoughts difficult to pick out through the fog of her fatigue. That had beenweeksago, the day they’d had sex under the falls.
‘Are you pissed off at me?’ Struan questioned.
She shook her head. If anything, she was astonished that he’d been committed enough, brave enough, to ask Martha even then. ‘Not at all.’
But it changed things. If Martha couldn’t even entertain the idea of them dating, what would she think about the rest? Part of her niggled that, if they were meant to be, it wouldn’t be this hard.
Shouldn’tbe this hard.
‘I don’t want to hurt her.’ Rae glued her eyes to the draping white flowers above, close to tears again. She’d never felt so unsteady before, so raw. ‘If we tell her we were together after she asked you not to—’
‘Tonight wasn’t exactly planned.’
‘It never is,’ Rae whispered. ‘If we do this, we have to be sure. We can’t risk hurting Martha, only to find out she was right about us being a terrible match. It can’t be for nothing.’
‘Doesn’t feel like nothing to me.’ He lifted his arm, allowing her to twirl slowly. An excuse to get her closer, she soon found, because when she fell back into him, their stomachs pressed together, his hands around her back. It felt like tempting fate,but Martha was too absorbed by Vik to notice, so she didn’t pull away. Yet.
‘This is still so new. We haven’t had time to really understand it. What if it’s just a classic “want what we can’t have” situation? What if we’re only into this because we know it’s wrong?’
‘Doesn’t feel wrong, either.’
‘Struan,’ she begged. She wasn’t sure what for. Maybe she wanted him to tell her that she was right, that they couldn’t break the news to Martha because he wasn’t as committed as he’d pretended to be. It would make it easier for her, even if it broke her heart.
He sobered all the same. ‘I suppose, before we figure this out, I need to know where you’ll be when summer ends. As willing as I am to try long-distance, I’m not sure I could survive like this forever. Wanting you without ever really being able to have you… It’s killing me, Rae.’
