Rae couldn’t quite remember why she’d agreed to come. She’d known it would be awkward, but their disagreement in the car had soured Martha’s mood completely.
Martha let out an exasperated breath, taking Vik’s hand. ‘Speaking of marriage, there’s something we came here to tell you. Vik and I are engaged.’
The couple leaned forward, waiting, as Denise’s mouth bobbed open and closed. Michael’s forehead crinkled, a stark contrast to the shiny sunburnt skin on his bald head.
‘Engaged,’ Denise repeated, smoothing down her hair with a nervous laugh. The smile was hardly convincing when her eyes, blue like Martha’s, glittered with tears. ‘Lovely news. Congratulations to you.’
‘So, which one was the man?’ Michael asked, fingers drifting between Martha and Vik.
‘We’re both women, Michael, which is sort of the point of a lesbian relationship,’ Martha said. ‘If you mean which one of usproposed, it was Vik.’
‘Ah. I see. That makes sense.’
‘Does it? Why, exactly?’
Rae cringed when Michael’s mouth bobbed open and shut with a gormlessness that would put a goldfish to shame. ‘Well, because… She’s… y’know…’
‘Enough please, both of you,’ Denise pleaded. She took a napkin from the coffee table and dabbed her eyes, a thick sniffle rising from her. Rae wished she could shake her, tell her to hug her daughter, celebrate with her. Instead, Denise muttered, ‘Sorry. I don’t know why I’m getting emotional.’
‘Probably because you wish Vik was a man,’ Martha said. ‘The good news is, according to Michael, she is.’
‘It’s not that at all!’ Denise was quick to defend. ‘It’s just… You know how much I want grandchildren.’
‘And you’ll get them when Vik and I adopt.’
‘Yes, but you know what I mean.’
‘No, not really. Vik was adopted. She has the most supportive family I’ve ever met, and still keeps in touch with her biological relatives.’
Vik nodded. ‘My parents never made me feel as though I was missing anything. They didn’t have to make me to love me. We’d like to give another child that same care.’
‘Yes, I understand.’ Denise’s voice grew cutting. ‘I just hoped at least one of my children might…’ She blew her nose, sentence trailing off. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I had the same reaction when your brother told me he didn’t want children. You know that. Honestly, Martha, it feels like you’re trying to hurt me.’
‘By being happy?’ Martha snapped.
Vik drew soothing circles over her thigh, offering the comfort Rae couldn’t. She glanced at Struan. His expression had glazed over, lips pursed as he stared at the floor. Detaching himself so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the pain.
It wasn’t right. None of this was right.
‘I’m going to put on the kettle.’ Michael was quick to make a dash for it despite the still hot teas in front of them. Denise sank into his seat, which bore the distinct imprint of Michael’s backside.
‘I don’t think that I’m asking for too much!’ Denise announced. ‘Every mother dreams of grandchildren! It makes me sad to think you won’t have ones that will have my features, your father’s features! I want to feel a biological connection to them! And you might not feel the same now, but you will one day, when you’re older and you don’t have anything else to show for your life. Especially you, Struan, living like you do.At least your sister has someone, even if she is—’
‘We’re leaving,’ Martha decided. Brusquely, she marched Vik past Rae and Struan to the front door. It slammed shut behind them, leaving everyone to flinch.
Rae expected Struan to follow, and wondered if she should, too, but something kept her glued to the sofa. The sadness tugging down his features, maybe. The shouts she could hear outside from Martha as she vented. They needed –deserved– their mother to accept them as they were.
She rubbed her clammy palms together, meeting Denise’s gaze. ‘I don’t know what a good mum is supposed to look like, because I didn’t really have one, so I hope I’m not overstepping when I say that you’re wrong, Denise.’ She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘They are really,reallygreat people, so I understand why you’d want tiny versions of them both running around, but they put more than enough good into the world as they are. Struan saves lives –voluntarily. He spent almost twenty-four hours on a mountain this weekend, rescuing a family from a collapsed cave. He almost missed his friend’s wedding to make sure they got out in one piece. And Martha… Martha is inspiring a new generation of passionate, intelligent scientists. What’s more important than that?
‘I saw you and your husband raise Struan and Martha to know they were loved and supported. I envied them for it, even. You were always there, going to parent-teacher conferences and hanging up their drawings on the fridge. You even welcomed me in, cooked me meals, ironed my school uniform sometimes: that was how much you cared about Martha.’
‘It was never a problem. You were a lovely wee girl to have around.’ Denise’s words were muffled behind her handkerchief. ‘You were part of the family too, Rae.’
‘Even if I wasn’t blood related.’
Denise blinked, realisation dawning.
Rae bit her lip. She didn’t know whether she was helping. Only knew she had to try, because this woman had raised two people she adored, two people she couldn’t live without, and they deserved better than to feel unworthy. ‘You love your kids, but that won’t matter if you can’t love all of them. And youshouldlove all of them, because they’re my favourite people in the whole world. I’d be lost without them.’ She looked at Struan: his gentle frown, his patience, his pain. ‘You would be, too.’
