“Not really,” Wyatt muttered. “He doesn’t want me here.”
“I think we all would like to believe that some of us soften under the eyes of death. But sometimes, the fighters insist on going down swinging.”
“You mean the assholes.”
“Well, I was trying to be…”
“Nice about it,” Wyatt finished, the tension in his back shifting a little. “Because that’s what you do. You see the kindness in everyone.”
“Don’t you?” John asked with a soft challenge in his gaze.
Wyatt shook his head, “Not today.”
The two men walked silently into the barn, the scent of animal, hay, and leather filling his nostrils. He finally released the breath his soul seemed to be holding since he arrived.
Wyatt strode through the barn, hoping to recognize one of the horses but knowing it may be unlikely due to the years he’d been gone. His boots stopped at the second-to-last stall. It was Roxanne’s best friend, Charity. He grinned, reaching for her snout, stroking up and down her thick brown fur.
“Hey, you…” He drawled. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”
“Who’s this?” John asked, petting her affectionately.
“Charity. She was best friends with… Roxeanne. The horse that…”
Mateo’s horse.
His horse.
John grasped his shoulder and nodded in mute understanding. He glanced back at Charity, trying to bring understanding and compassion to the darkness that had settled around Wyatt ever since they arrived. A darkness John held with light.
Because that was who he was.
“Hello, girl,” John cooed, a genuine smile dancing on his lips, drawing up the crinkles around his eyes. “You’re a looker, aren’t ya? Aw, I see some gray. Looks better on you than me.”
He gave him a sheepish, bashful smile, and Wyatt blinked.
“I love you.”
John’s hand stilled on Charity and he turned, dark blue eyes suspending him.
Wyatt had already told him how he felt that day at the hospital and neither of them had brought it up again. But he felt it so powerfully in this moment, the undeniable truth that blazed through his soul like a torch piercing the black.
“I love you so goddamned much that I can’t breathe,” Wyatt admitted, voice cracking. “I wasted my entire life wishing my dad would just love me. That’s all I ever wanted. My mom left me behind and started another family. I never had a parent who loved me the way I needed to be loved. And it took coming back here to realize that I don’t need that anymore. I needyou. I need you to come to me on bad days and on good days. I need you onmygood days and my baddays. Because I’m fuckin’ terrified that I don’t matter to anyone. Fuck, I need you to love me, John…”
Tears flooded him and he stepped away, digging his palms into his eyes and breaking apart at the seams.
Fuck.
He knew this would happen. He knew that coming here would hurt.
John’s arms were around him, bringing him to his chest, and Wyatt collapsed against him, sobbing into his shoulder and breathing in his scent, embracing him like a life raft, desperate and gasping.
“I want everything from you, John,” Wyatt confessed. “And if I can’t have that, leave me here. Leave me in this fuckin’ place and let me die like that old man, because you're my soulmate. I felt it the first time I kissed you. I think that’s why I couldn’t let you go. I can’t let you go…” He continued to cry, shaking.
John pulled back, tears wetting his cheeks. He kissed him hard and dropped his temple to his. “You matter, Wyatt, don’t you ever,everdoubt that. You matter so much to me,” he rasped, voice threaded with emotion.
“I was too scared to say it, and I should’ve,” John continued. “I fell in love with you on that first damned night. I was so scared because I didn’t know it was supposed to be that easy. So, I tried to make it hard, thinking it couldn’t be real—thatyoucouldn’t be real. And you wouldn’t stop giving me reasons to love you,” John praised, kissing him tenderly. “You were relentless and thank God for that. And when I saw you hurt, it broke me. I ran because it hurt to love you and lose you. I’m so, so sorry for that. I understand now that I can never, ever do that to you again. And I won’t. I won’t, baby,” he said firmly, kissing the tears off his cheek. “I love you.”
Wyatt hugged him hard against his body, so hard he could feel his heart beating against his own.
