To give in to temptation and lose himself entirely.
To not, for one second of his life, have to be responsible.
To be, instead, recklessly wild.
John had thought about that night constantly and held onto it, trying his best not to shame himself for it. Because that night was more than a loss of control, it was deeper than that. And he still was grappling with the effect it had on him. Something he would never admit to himself, and certainly not Lawson. But seeing him now, so close, touching him almost the same way, giving to him the way he had that night, was overwhelming him.
“Lawson…” he rasped, resisting the urge to pull him close.
Lawson’s blue eyes met his.
John wasn’t sure what he wanted—what he needed.
Lawson seemed to know, and without hesitating, slipped his hand beneath his jaw, fingers raking through his beard. John reached instantly, wrapping hisarm around Lawson’s waist, dragging him closer, dropping his forehead into his stomach, not sure how to give anymore, when all he wanted to do was take. And it felt selfish to do that to him, especially after ignoring him and his advances for an entire month. For pretending that their night never happened.
Lawson’s hand was suddenly in his hair, gripping his head with both hands and dragging him back, forcing John to look at him. Lawson’s jaw clenched for a mere second, as though deciding. Deciding his fate, because the truth was, he couldn’t deny him again.
Lawson leaned down and kissed him.
Shit.
Yes.
John felt the urgency with Lawson’s kiss and matched it. Their lips clashed with such force, such horrible need, he choked out a groan.
Lawson devoured him, angrily, hungrily, conqueringly.
The heated passion between them burst into millions of stars, pulling him up and out of the darkness of this moment, out of his fucking life. And he wanted to drown in this kiss. Lawson’s intensity wouldn’t be outmatched, and John could feel it as their tongues mated and battled, their teeth scraped and grazed over lips.
He clung to the stronger, younger man, feeling like a vine caught in a storm and only Lawson’s hungry kisses anchoring him to something better—something real.
John got to his feet and pushed Lawson back against the tile wall, pressing himself against him, unable to stop himself from taking… and taking…
He felt Lawson’s cock push and grind against his.
“Fuck,” Lawson gasped against his lips as they dry-humped one another, both needing the same release and chasing it with fumbling, urgent hands.
“John!” Steph’s voice echoed off the walls of the bathroom, and John yanked back, panting. “Five minutes are up. Tanya’s here.” The door slammed shut behind her.
Lawson, panting, dropped the back of his head against the tile, his lips red and almost bruised from John’s kisses. Unable to stop touching him, he reached upto drag a thumb over Lawson’s reddened lips, sucking in a breath. Lawson’s eyes were fully dilated and watching, waiting.
John closed his eyes, unable to see the consequences of his impulsiveness, and snapped his fingers back. “That can’t happen again.”
Lawson was quiet for a moment before finally saying, “I know.”
He opened his eyes, and he saw a calmness on Lawson’s face that he wasn’t expecting. The young doctor picked up John’s undershirt and scrub shirt and handed them to him.
Feeling oddly nervous, John hurriedly dressed, not even thinking about his neck and shoulder, and when the uniform was back on, he stilled. Stunned.
“Holy shit,” he said in awe, rotating his shoulder and even cracking his neck. The pain was almost gone. His shoulder still ached, but it wasn’t half as bad. And his chest felt like it got stomped on, but he could handle that.
Lawson was watching him closely and smirked in pleasure at the way he was moving.
“Thank you,” John said, clearing his throat, trying his hardest to maintain some sort of fucking professionalism after such a heady make-out session. “It feels better already.”
Lawson nodded, opened the bathroom stall, and without another word, left.
Regret flooded him, but not in the way he had anticipated. Regret that he didn’t say more. Only that Lawson didn’t fight him and didn’t press for more.
