Disoriented, the room opened to the smell of fresh coffee and sanitizer. A wave of nausea rolled through him. Reyes led him to the couch on the far wall. “Sit down before you fall down, dude.”
He did, collapsing into the hard cushions.
“You need anything?” Reyes asked.
All Wyatt could manage was a small shake of his head as he leaned forward, head between his legs and elbows digging into his knees, wanting to vomit—scream—cry.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been there until he heard the door open again followed by John’s voice. “Do you mind giving us a minute?” John said to Reyes.
“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m here if you need me, Lawson,” Reyes said kindly and left.
Wyatt lifted his head from his hands and was met with warm, tender blue eyes that he wanted to sink and vanish into completely.
So, he did. Wyatt reached for him at the same exact time John did, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and head, cradling Wyatt against his stomach. And for the first time in his career, he broke.
The tears came fast and hard.
His fingers dug into John’s waist, clinging to him. He remembered briefly the moment John had done the same thing to him, holding him the same way but in reverse. They had come full circle.
“You did everything you could,” John murmured gruffly, emotion lacing his voice. “There was nothing you could do.”
“It shouldn’t have been me,” he cried, clutching John. “Her parents were coming… to see her one last time… not fucking me.”
John dropped to his knees shaking his head, “But itwasyou. And that’s okay. It’s okay…”
“It’s not!”
John framed his face with his hands, forcing Wyatt to meet his unyielding gaze. “Hating yourself right now is not the answer. You chose this job, or maybe it chose you. Just like she did. She needed someone to see her, and that’s what you do, Lawson. That’s what makes you so incredible. She managed to find the one doctor in this hospital who could give her peace right at the end. And that’s what you did—I saw it.”
His throat bunched and his heart, whose shattered pieces had sliced through his body, began to warm and melt back together. He swayed against John, their temples touching, and both breathed through the emotion, the pain, the grief.
“Thanks,” Wyatt croaked out.
John nodded, leaning back and kissing his forehead before sitting back on his heels, taking his hands into his and squeezing, holding tight. “I want you to come to my house tonight. I’ll cook us dinner, open a bottle of wine, light some romantic fucking candles…”
Wyatt sucked in a breath, the warmth now spreading everywhere, to every limb. John wanted him to come to his home. Not a hotel. Somewhere personal,intimate, and real. It had been a glorious month of hotel rendezvous, escaping, and getting lost in each other and the intimacy of their bodies.
And the open, vulnerable look on John’s face told him that he was scared—that they both knew this was a risk. “Let me take care of you for a change, yeah?”
He hesitated, unsure.
John paused, too, and stood, scrubbing a nervous hand over the back of his neck. “Sorry, that’s not fair. You’re vulnerable, and I just put that on you. Let’s forget I said it, all right?”
Wyatt stood. “John…”
The door to the break room opened and Steph walked in, expression tense, eyes immediately finding John’s. “We’ve got more theater victims comin’ in. All hands on deck, cap.”
He nodded, heading for the door, and stilled. “You are what this hospital—these patients—need, Lawson. Exactly who you are today. Not the doctor you think you should be or want to be. But the one you are right now. That’s the man they need—who I need.”
They stared at one another for a long heartbeat, and John tilted his head to the ED, “Let’s go save some lives.”
He punched the gate code John had texted him, and the large iron gate came to life, slowly swinging back to let him in. A nervous energy brewed low in his belly as he rode his motorcycle into the long driveway and parked his bike next to the front of the house. The house was tucked away in the LA hills, out of the city noise and some of the traffic. It was a cool spot, and an even cooler house. Modern design with sleek black metal and large windows overlooking the sprawling city. Lush greenery was layered around the front of the house to keep it secluded and tucked away.
He pulled off his helmet, legs still straddling the motorcycle, and felt his phone buzz in his front pocket. He resisted the urge to curse as he checked it, already knowing who it was.
We need to talk.
He read the text and closed it.
