They walked in silence for a few moments, then he stopped and said, ‘Kate. I believe I owe you an apology. I gather that there has been gossip about my sudden departure for London, and you may have suffered as a result.’
She met his gaze steadily. ‘Haven’t you realised yet how accustomed I am to gossip?’
‘Yes, but this is different. I think this was my fault. I should have spoken to you before I left. I should have confided in you.’
‘Why? You owe me no particular loyalty.’
He shook his head and said, ‘Don’t I? Oh, Kate. I rather think that I do.’
Kate felt overwhelmed by his arrival. She hadn’t expected him for days, for longer even—and the real problem, the truth she would hate him to know, was that his abrupt departure had crushed her.
He looked now as if he was struggling to find the right words, and she could hardly breathe, because he was surely going to tell her about Cecily.
She was right, because at last he said, ‘I suppose people have told you that I went to London to see the woman I once planned to marry?’
She braced herself.Defences at the ready again, Kate. Whatever was coming, she had to pretend she didn’t care, because she couldn’t afford to care. ‘How is Cecily?’ she asked at last.
All right, it was a stupid question, though surely better than remembering the hunger in his eyes when he’d kissed her the other night, the way his fingers had caressed her breasts until she had become a trembling mass of need.
But then he really did stun her because he said, ‘Cecily? She was the same as ever. Selfish, vain and completely devoid of caring for anyone else’s feelings, unless it’s to manipulate them to her own ends. I went to London because Cecily wanted to tell me something. I listened, then I came back—because I needed to see you, Kate. I needed to explain.’
Oh, this man. Just then a shaft of sunshine fell on him, and what with the breeze stirring his brown hair and his open-necked shirt showing a beguiling hint of tanned chest, her heart almost stopped beating. But then, it damn well pounded like a hammer against her ribs. This man was dangerous because he weakened her powers of reason.I must not fall in love with him, she reminded herself desperately.I must not.
She forced herself into calmness. ‘You are under no obligation to explain anything to me, my lord. No excuses are necessary, or apologies. What happened the other night between us was my responsibility as much as yours.’
But as she reached to push aside a stray bonnet ribbon she was thinking,I welcomed your caresses, Dan. I longed for them. I wanted to experience what a man like you could give me.
And now it was over. She knew that. He was frowning, so she stumbled on. ‘As I’ve told you before, I am extremely grateful for your help in dispelling the hostility I’ve experienced here—’
She broke off because there was a slight snorting sound and she realised he was fighting to hold back amusement. He said, ‘You make me sound like a guard dog.’
She stiffened. He was laughing? ‘Let me put it another way, my lord! I am under no illusion that you meant our outings to be anything more than a temporary arrangement that suited us both. If you are back with Cecily again, it’s all right, you know. I really don’t mind—’
‘Kate.’ He broke in almost harshly. ‘You still don’t understand. I only went to see her because she wrote to me that she had news about my mother.’
‘Your mother, who left you long ago?’
‘Exactly.’
A seagull was calling out its lonely cry, and she saw Dan watching as it soared high above them. When he started speaking again, it sounded as if every word was an effort.
‘I told you,’ he said, ‘that after she’d gone, my father had every reminder of her destroyed. I never knew what had happened toher. But yesterday, Cecily told me that my mother died long ago in France, alone and impoverished.’
Kate’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oh, no. I am so sorry. Do you think Cecily spoke the truth?’
‘Maybe someday I shall try to find out. But I half suspect she made it all up, in a twisted attempt to get me back. My chief regret is that I didn’t tell you why I was going to see her, because I gather you’ve heard some evil gossip.’
‘I have no rights over you! You owe me nothing!’
‘You are wrong. I owe you the basics of decency and honesty, at the very least!’ As if to control himself, he thrust his hands into the pockets of his long coat. ‘I’ve heard how George Melling has been pestering you with tales about me, and that’s unforgivable. I shall deal with him myself—’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I do not wish even more stories to be made up about you and me! I do not want anyone to think there is anything happening between us!’
She felt vulnerable and exposed, and was she actually making her own situation any better? She guessed not. Spending too much time in the company of a devastatingly attractive man was demolishing all of her carefully built defences.
