No one replies.
I return the coffee pot and place my mug on the counter so I can face my friends. “Yes, of course, that’s all that happened. We fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillows. Do y’all really think that lowly of me?”
“Of course not,” Wren says quickly. “I was more worried about the reverse happening. Worried that Jude might have been taking advantage of you.”
I shake my head emphatically, even though it makes my head throb again. “They were drunk, Wren. We fell asleep in the same bed. That’s it.”
“I’m also concerned about the Nikki situation,” Theo interjects. “She already doesn’t seem to like you very much.”
I snort. “Yeah, you think?”
“Oliver, this could come back to bite you,” Wren warns. “If she already hates you and it slips out that you slept with Jude, even if literally all you did was sleep–”
“I know,” I snap. “I know what it looks like. I’ll talk to Jude.” I wait a beat before continuing: “Now, someone mentioned waffles?”
Once our little group rallies enough to drive, we head back to the dorm to recover for the rest of the day. For a while, we passively watch TV together in the living room. Eventually, Vimlesh vanishes, presumably to his bedroom, and then Harrison bids us farewell before trekking back to Tech. Shortly after, Theoand Caleb retreat to Theo’s room to nap before Theo drives him home, leaving Wren and me alone in the living room to doomscroll in comfortable silence.
The more time passes, the more guilt churns in my stomach about last night’s events, and pretty soon I’m regretting every decision I’ve made over the past twelve hours—especially that third waffle.
“So,” Wren’s voice startles me. “Are you ready to talk yet?”
I groan. “I already said I was going to talk to Jude, and I will. If I’m feeling this awful, I can only imagine their hangover is even worse.”
“I meant to me,” Wren replies. “I want to know what really happened last night and how you’re feeling about it.”
“Oh. Right. Well, then, no, I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”
“Oliver, I have to drive back to Savannah soon. This is our only chance.”
Shit. I shift from my wonky position on the couch to face them. “Fine, fine. What do you want to know?”
Wren stares at me, unamused.
“Okay, fine. Let’s see, where should I start? At some point over the past few weeks, I unknowingly fell in love with my best friend. I may be ace, but clearly I’m not aro, because what I feel for them can no longer qualify as platonic. I don’t just like them; I adore them. I–I want to protect them, to hold them, to spend every moment of every day with them. I’d do anything for them. I want–” My voice cracks, so I take a moment to breathe before continuing. “But it doesn’t matter. They’ll never feel the same way about me because, for one thing, they’re happily in a relationship with Nikki, and for another, they don’t date guys. Plus, they’re allo, meaning they enjoy sex, so they should be with someone who…well, someone who can give them that.”
“Oliver–”
“And above all, I value them and our friendship too much to tell them I love them, for fear of making things weird or changing the dynamic. But despite all of that, I probably ruined our friendship anyway by taking advantage of them while they were intoxicated, and now–”
“No, you didn’t,” Wren interrupts.
“I mean, I kind of did,” I counter. “They were so drunk. They couldn’t consent to sharing a bed, yet I barely hesitated before climbing into bed with them.”
“Have you fallen asleep in the same bed before?”
I hesitate. “Not a bed, but a couch, yes. But that was different.”
“But it’s like you said—nothing happened.”
“Well, I lied,” I blurt.
Wren’s eyes go wide. “What do you mean?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, dreading Wren’s disappointment. “They…they kissed me. Before we fell asleep. Like, a real kiss.”
Wren is quiet for several seconds. “Did you kiss them back?”
I slowly nod.
