“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He paces a few times, then stops and looks back at me with an intense expression. “Fuck. Jude, I have to tell you something.”
Oh, God. He’s going to leave. I crossed a line. I’ve made him uncomfortable. I knew this was too far. I knew the fake dating thing was a bad idea. Iknew?—
“I think I’m in love with you.”
Time grinds to a halt. I must still be unconscious. This is just a dream.
“Actually, I don’t think it. I know it. I am in love with you.”
My heart thumps erratically against my chest, but the rest of me is paralyzed, too stunned, too terrified that if I move, I’ll wake up. And I don’t want to wake up.
“I know, and I’m so…I’m so sorry. I told you I was ace, and I am ace, but apparently that doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love, because I did. I’m so in love with you that it’s stupid. And I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I swear, I didn’t become your friend with the intention of being anything more than friends. I’ve never been in love before—shit, I’ve never even had a crush before. But suddenly I met you, and… I didn’t know what it was for a while. I just knew you were special. More than special—you were everything. But, fuck, Jude, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to make things weird between us because I know it would never work. So just know that I’m trying to stop. I’m trying to get over it. I’m?—”
No.
“No” is the only coherent thought I have before I launch toward him. I throw my arms around his neck, stand on my tiptoes?—
And I kiss him.
He gasps in surprise as our mouths collide, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he bends slightly, leans in, and kisses me back. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, then lets out a low, contented sigh. Our lips part, moving in tandem, and his tongue glides against mine. I nearly faint again, so lost in him that I forget how to breathe.
Suddenly, he recoils, stumbling backward, breathing heavily. His cheeks are tinted pink, and his pupils are dilated. “Wait,” he gasps. “Hang on.”
“I love you, too,” I blurt breathlessly, clinging to his forearms as if my life depends on it. “Fuck, Oliver, I’m so in love with you.”
Oliver’s breath catches, and he exhales a laugh. “You…really?”
I nod, stifling a laugh. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to feel the same way.”
“I didn’t think so, either,” Oliver replies, repositioning his arms to hold my hands. “I thought you were only attracted to girls.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m…I’ve always been into both genders. All genders, really. But, after Tyler…”
“Right,” Oliver says. “Of course. That makes sense.”
“Butyou,” I whisper.
Oliver scoffs. “No,you,” he argues.
An emotional laugh bursts out of me, and a tear trickles down my cheek.
Oliver cups my cheek and strokes the tear away with his thumb. “I love you, Jude.”
“I love you, too, Oliver.”
His face cracks into a wide smile before he leans down to kiss me again.
Kissing Jude is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
Admittedly, I’ve only kissed two other people in my life. Valerie McBrayer was a sensory nightmare, so she doesn’t really count. Kissing Jake Buchanon was nice. He smelled good and was always gentle and considerate. Kissing him was pleasant, but something always felt missing. My mind would wander. He would get bored, and I would feel pressured. It wasn’t his fault, nor was it mine. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
But when Jude and I kiss, my skin tingles from my ears to my toes. A fire ignites in my chest, and my heart burns bright behind my ribs. The air leaves my lungs. My stomach flutters. My knees go weak. My mind halts, no longer aware of anything but Jude and their sea glass eyes, their soft hair, their gentle touch, their loving presence. They don’t get bored. They don’t push for more. They kiss me because they enjoy it. They kiss me because they love me.
Holy shit, they love me.Jude loves me.
Now that I’ve kissed Jude, nothing else will ever compare. I’ll never get enough of them. I’ll never tire of kissing Jude, their perfect lips, their perfect face, their perfect soul.
