“Will do. Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, DEADNAME. Your dad and I love you!”
“Love you, too.”
I eagerly press the “end” button on the screen, and my familiar music resumes once again. The music fills the uncomfortable quiet between Nikki and me, and I brace myself for however Nikki decides to react.
To my surprise, Nikki doesn’t speak until after I’ve parked in the visitor lot of her apartment complex.
“So, I take it that…was your deadname?”
The tension in my chest loosens. At least she didn’t say the name out loud. “Yeah.”
Nikki considers this for a moment before continuing. “Are you not out as nonbinary to them yet?”
I release a shaky breath. “It’s…complicated.”
Another pause. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not particularly,” I admit. “I’d rather not ruin what could still be a lovely evening.”
Nikki places a gentle hand on my thigh. “You’re not going to ruin anything, Jude. You can talk to me if you want, but I won’t make you.”
I take a few seconds to contemplate her offer. “I really appreciate it, and I’m sure we should talk about it at some point. But for tonight, I’d much rather forget about it and focus on enjoying our date.”
Nikki smiles warmly before leaning forward to press her lips to mine. We kiss slowly, gently, and sweetly, and my chest aches. She smells like jasmine and patchouli. Her soft lips part, and the tips of our tongues brush, sending my nervous system into overdrive. I want, I want,I want?—
She pulls away with a dreamy grin. “Shall we continue our date, then?”
Dizzy with desire, I can only nod.
Dinner is perfect. We enjoy delicious vegetable lasagna and creamy tiramisu. Nikki also pairs our meal with a bottle of pinot noir that her older sister gave her as a housewarming gift. It’s a bit dry for my taste, but it definitely gives me a nice, warm buzz.
I’m not sure whether it’s the wine that gives me the confidence or the looming anxiety about what Nikki must be thinking of me after overhearing my conversation with my mom, but I finally muster enough courage to bring it up.
“So, you may have noticed earlier that I referred to you as my ‘friend’ to my mom.”
From across the table, Nikki glances up from her tiramisu to look at me. “Yeah, so?”
I swallow. “I—I don’t want you to think that’s how I think of you.”
She chuckles softly. “I know, silly!” She reaches for my hand, and I eagerly take it. “I would have been surprised if you had referred to me as anything else.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, we’ve only been together for, what, like, six or seven weeks?”
There’s a sinking feeling in my chest. “Two months as of the twenty-second.”
She furrows her brow. “Wait. Seriously?”
I nod.
“Damn, time really flies. Well, still, two months isn’t quite the ‘meet the parents’ stage. Right?”
I can only shrug. This isn’t exactly my area of expertise. Being a year older than me, I’d assumed she’d have more wisdom in this department.
“My parents sure as hell don’t know who I’m dating,” Nikki continues, letting go of my hand and scooping another bite of tiramisu with her fork. “They don’t need to know until it’s like…serious.”
