Quinn
Sure! Ask away!
Oliver
how did you know you were ace and not just a gay/straight/bi person who hadn’t found someone special yet?
Quinn
Super valid question! Bear with me as I take some time to type this all out…
Oliver
sure, take your time!
Quinn
People think that aaaaallllll the time—that I just “haven’t found the right person yet.” But I’ve known something was different about me since I was a preteen. My friends started talking about having crushes and dating in middle school, and I just didn’t get it. They told me that once I met the right person, I’d understand, but it just never happened. In high school, I thought something was wrong with me because guys would ask me out, and I didn’t understand why they weren’t satisfied with being “just friends”. Dating complicated things, and sex grossed me out. I used to think people were joking when they described physical attraction. I eventually concluded that either I was a really late bloomer, or that I was simply broken. But once I started at Eidola and landed in the EQA, I learned about asexuality, and everything began to make sense. I found others who shared my experiences and understood me in ways no one else ever had. I no longer felt ashamed or defective for not experiencing attraction the way everyone else did. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
Sorry for such a long reply. I hope this helps!
“Oliver?” Theo’s voice comes from the other side of my bedroom door.
I rapidly blink the tears out of my eyes and wipe my face.Shit, shit, shit.“Yeah?”
Before I can stop him, Theo pokes his head inside. As soon as our eyes meet, his eyes go wide. “You okay, man?”
“Yep, all good,” I say, cramming my phone back into my pocket. “Sorry, had to, uh, check something.”
Theo stands frozen in my doorway with brows furrowed. “Hey, what’s going?—”
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I insist, flashing him a wide smile. “Are we ready to keep watching?”
“We’re all waiting on you, dude,” Max shouts.
Theo is unfazed and keeps staring at me. “Oliver, if you need a minute?—”
“Nah, let’s go!”
I gently push past Theo, giving him a reassuring pat on the back in hopes that it conveys we’re moving on, because I can’t handle a serious face-to-face conversation right now.
Theo recovers a moment later, following me back into the living room to return to our seats. Fortunately, Jude and Celeste are chatting quietly around Max, so they haven’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. Theo, on the other hand, can’t stop watching me with that pitying, concerned look, so I keep my gaze fixed on the TV.
“Sorry about that,” I say to Max. “Ready when you are!”
“Okay, here we go,” Max announces.
The movie resumes, and eventually it regains Theo’s full attention, so it’s off me. Sadly, though, I struggle to focus for the rest of the film.
Quinn’s texted words bounce through my head over and over.
My friends started talking about having crushes and dating in middle school, and I just didn’t get it.
I thought something was wrong with me.
I used to think people were joking when they described physical attraction.
I eventually concluded that either I was a really late bloomer, or I was simply broken.
