Jo nods. “It took years of self-reflection and desperately searching for other people out there like me, but now I finally have the vocabulary and community that makes my life so much better.” She looks at me. “So, does that help you at all?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I answer. “Maybe I’m aroace, too, but…” I shake my head. “What about the demis?”
The three others exchange glances, then Quinn gets it. “Oh, demisexuality?”
“Or demiromanticism?” Jo asks.
“Give me all the demis,” I say.
Quinn glances around the room. “Is Lena here?”
“Are you looking for me?” I follow the voice to find a small-statured student with soft features, chin-length black hair, and deep-set almond eyes. Her nametag reads “Lena, she/her, Demisexual,” and her bracelet matches mine.
“Yes!” Quinn exclaims. “Lena, this is Oliver. Oliver, Lena.”
We exchange polite greetings, then Cam explains my situation.
“I guess what I want to ask you,” I begin. “How is demisexuality different from allosexuality? Is it just more selective?”
Lena considers my question before answering. “I was convinced I was asexual until a few months ago. Sex always sounded gross to me, and I had no interest in dating because most people eventually just wanted sex. It wasn’t until my friend Jiya and I had been hanging out for well over a year that I realized I was also sexually attracted to her, which had literally never happened to me before and hasn’t happened again since. I’ll spare you the details, but Jiya and I sort of stumbled into a physical relationship, and we were both stunned to learn that I actually really, really enjoy sex. Like, a lot. But only with her.”
I nod. “Okay, so you’d classify your sexuality as more ace than allo, but you’re kind of in the middle.”
“Sort of,” Lena says. “That’s why I prefer the label ‘demisexual.’ I’m on the ace spectrum because Ionlyexperience sexual attraction when there’s an established, strong emotionalbond. Now that I have that bond with my person, I’m very into sex.”
Interesting. “So, theoretically, I could be demi and not know it yet?”
“Maybe,” Lena replies. “I suppose you’ll have to wait and see.”
“What about romantic attraction?” I continue. “Is demiromanticism a thing, too?”
“For me, the romantic attraction came before the sexual attraction, but it also had a very ‘demi’ feel to it,” she explains. “I’ve met some demisexuals who get crushes on people all the time that aren’t sexual but are very romantic. So, it depends on the person.”
“When it comes to microlabels, I consider myself a demiromantic asexual,” Quinn interjects. “I don’t experience sexual attraction at all, but I’ve definitely had a crush on a friend or two, years into the friendship. They never went anywhere, but they felt romantic.” She smiles at me. “Have you ever had a crush on someone?”
I scrunch my nose. “I don’t think so. At least not like my friends did.”
The group waits quietly for me to keep asking questions, but my head hurts from information overload. “So, I guess for now I’m probably aroace, too,” I declare. I glance down at my asexual bracelet and frown. “Do I have to switch to the aroace colors now?”
Several of my new friends giggle. “You don’t have to do anything,” Quinn replies. “You can identify however you like.”
“I think it’s also important to note,” Cam adds. “Sexuality and attraction are fluid and subjective. I know this is a lot to take in at once, but you don’t have to decide anything for anyone else right now, or ever, if you’re not ready. Labels are there to help you, not to trap you.”
I smile. “Huh. I like that. Thank you all.”
“You’re very welcome,” Quinn says, beaming. “Now, if you don’t have any other pressing questions, who’s down for some Jackbox games?” She gestures further into the room where there’s a mounted television, three couches, and various beanbag chairs.
“Oh, hell yeah,” I say excitedly.
Saturday, October 11, 2025
Jude
any plans today?
Oliver
I was considering doing laundry but it can wait until tomorrow
