I didn’t understand. “Leaving…where? The palace? I’ll head out with you. Let me get ready.” I grabbed the shirt Claudia had left out for me.
Rafe stopped me, placing one hand gently on my raised arm. “I’m leaving Ashven, Cal.”
I instantly stilled. “What? When?”
“Right now. A ship’s waiting for me.”
“Okay. I’ll come with you.”
To me it was simple; where Rafe went, I followed. If he was leaving, then so was I. I could handle any resentment at my abrupt departure when we came back. I moved frantically across the room, throwing clothes haphazardly into a travel bag.
“You can’t.”
“Of course I can. Ginna and Hanson can cover for me with the Hunters until we’re back.”
“Cal, please. Stop.” I dropped the shirt I was holding. “You can’t come with me. Not this time.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. Where are you going? Why do you need to leave?”
“I need to help my sister.”
“Adrienne? I thought she was away at university in Iven.”
I hadn’t seen Adrienne in years, not since we were children. She was placed in one boarding school after another. The King had told me she had needed discipline.
“Right. She’s stumbled into some trouble and I need to help her.” Rafe held my hands now, preventing me from moving. My fingers twitched under his touch.
“Is she okay? What kind of trouble? I can help.” I knew I sounded desperate but I was past the point of caring.
Rafe ignored my questions. “You can’t solve everyone’s problems, Cal. You have a life here, with the Hunters. I can’t ask you to go with me.”
“You don’t need to ask.”
“Please, Cal. You need to stay here.” The finality of his tone told me that his decision was set, and the conversation was over.
“You’ll come back to me, right?” The way Rafe was talking sounded like a more permanent goodbye than I was prepared for.
“I need to settle this all out, then I’ll see you again. I promise.” He didn’t exactly answer the question I asked, and the smile Rafe gave me didn’t reach his eyes.
“I love you, Rafe. Please be safe.”
Rafe leaned in and gave me a kiss, pulling away from my lips slowly.
I wish I knew then that that kiss was the last one we’d share. I would have paid closer attention to how his upper lip was slightly bigger than his bottom. How his stubble felt rough against my shaved face. How his body felt pressed against mine.
“I love you too, Cal.”
Rafe stopped suddenly on his way out, one foot already out the door. “Cal, don’t - don’t let the King change who you are while I’m gone. I know who he thinks you are, but there’s so much more to you.”
Then he left without another word, door slamming shut behind him. I was again alone in my room, unsure if that conversation had actually happened, or if I was asleep and I’d wake to discover that this was all a bad dream.
But it wasn’t a nightmare, unless it was one I hadn’t yet woken up from. Rafe had left, and he never came back.
It wasn’t until months later, after this scene had replayed over and over again in my head, haunting my every thought, that I realized that Rafe hadn’t been wearing his ring that I had given him.
The silence was deafening.
And in that silence, my life was forever changed.
