Ginna stares like I’ve grown an extra head. With this question and the lack of uniform, I might as well have. When I don’t retract the question and Elia taps her foot impatiently, she finally mutters, “Red.”
“See, Callum, now that’s an acceptable color choice.”
“I didn’t realize people had such standards.” I return to my position against the railing, mimicking Ginna’s pose. “How’re you holding up?”
She stares straight ahead, watching the bustle of the crew on deck. “I always love the travel part of being a Hunter. It’s one of the perks of the job. It’s the destination that’s not always the fun part.” Ginna side eyes me.
She and I haven’t talked much since we hastily made these arrangements. I know Ginna has her reservations, but I also know that she doesn’t have a better option, either. I brush my hair back in futility from the wind, flustered.
“Elia? Can you give us a second?” Whatever Ginna needs to say I’d rather air it out now. It’s already been almost a month of sailing, and we need to be on the same page when we reach Sevrin.
Elia nods. “Of course. I’ll go see if I can help the quartermaster.” After a quick peck on my lips and a wave to Ginna, she leaves us.
“Go ahead,” I demand to Ginna. “What’s on your mind, Gin?”
“What are you doing?” She asks bluntly.
“What do you mean?”
She gestures wildly in the air. “With everything! Let’s start with what are you wearing? You have no sword, no armor. I’ve never seen you not in uniform on a Hunt, Callum.”
“Do I seem to be in danger?”
“You don’t know these people!” She hisses. “The crew are not your Hunters. Any one of them could have it out for you. Plus we’re literally headed to apirate island!The waters are going to be crawling with bandits and thieves soon. We could be attacked at any time. You’re letting your guard down.”
I grow frustrated. “Is that such a bad thing, Gin?”
“I know the last couple of years have been hard without Rafe. And I know the King’s putting an exorbitant amount of pressure on you. But now is not the time to sway from our path. This might be the breakthrough we’veallbeen waiting for. And you need to pull it together. At least put on your uniform, damnit,” she growls.
“Is that all?”
She glares at me. “I worry about you.”
“I know.” My voice shakes. “And I’m sorry. It’s all been…a lot.”
There’s a long pause before Ginna asks the question I was waiting for. “What are you going to do when you see Rafe again?”
I’d been wondering that myself. I spent years imagining the day I would see Rafe again. I had hundreds of different visions of what I would say and do. But I tell Ginna the honest answer.
“I don’t know.”
“Me neither.”
The emotion in Ginna’s voice strikes a chord deep within me. It’s as if she slapped me in the face, a sudden clarity dawning on me. I’ve been acting as if I was the only one who lost Rafe, but he was also Ginna’s best friend, and he abandoned her, too.
“Ginna,” I falter. “I’m sorry. For my carelessness now, but also for not being there for you and Hanson like I should have. I never even asked you how you handled Rafe leaving.”
She clasps me on the shoulder in a tender, familiar way. “I know he meant something different to you, but I loved him too, Cal. So did Hanson. We all suffered when he left, but it was as if you closed your doors from that point on, trying to bear it all yourself, when we were right there, willing to walk alongside you. You were never alone in your grief.”
Her words hit me like a sack of bricks. I know I wasn’t the best person to be around during that time, but I didn’t realize just how bad of a friend I had been. I’m terrible at allowing others to help me, never wanting them to get a glimpse behind my façade to see how damaged I actually am.
“I’m sorry. I should have handled it better. I promise to be a better friend, if you’ll let me.”
“And you’ll wear your uniform?”
I lift my pinkie finger in the air towards her. “Promise.”
She rolls her eyes, but I can see the emotion behind them. See that this conversation was long overdue. “Come here.”
