We were so caught up in being in love we forgot about the consequences.
Rafe waits for me to elaborate, and when I don’t, he rubs his temples. He kneels in front of me and presses a chaste kiss on the back of my bandaged hands.
“Why do you push me away like this?” His gaze is so earnest and innocent, and I can’t seem to meet his eyes. “You know I love you, Cal. But I can’t keep this cycle going. You have to let me in. Please.”
A sob lodges in the back of my throat, and I cough to clear it. “I’m trying, Rafe. I just need some more time.”
This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. Rafe is so honest to the point of being blunt, and he doesn’t understand why I can’t share every aspect of my life with him.
This time is different, though. Rafe sounds dejected.
“Please, babe.” I want to comb my fingers through his hair, pull him into a kiss and have the scratchiness of his scruff caress my shaven face. But myhands remain useless, so I resort to the pet name I call him only in the confines of our bed. The one I know he secretly loves.
Rafe swallows. “Okay. I’ll give you some time. Get some rest. I’ll have one of the medics check in on you later.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head as he rises to leave. “I love you, Callum.”
“I love you too, Rafe.”
It turned out that the King didn’t need to worry about me and Rafe anymore, anyways.
Because Rafe left me one week after that, without looking back.
Chapter 26
Callum
We arrive in Sevrin a few days later with no accompanying fanfare. We had lowered the Ashven flag and the Hunter’s flag from our mast to avoid any more unwanted attention and managed to enter the port unscathed.
Elia had spent the last nights sharing my bed, and my mood was high. We’d gone a few more rounds that first night together, and spent the last hours of our trip christening as many places as we could on the ship. I didn’t know when, or if, we’d have time alone once we’d arrived, so we tried to steal as many moments as we could.
I still couldn’t believe that Elia told me she was falling in love with me. I feel like I’m living in a dream, walking in a cloud covered reality that doesn’t seem real.
I knew I was falling early on, maybe even from the second I’d laid eyes on her. Afterall, she was the only person aside from Rafe that made my dead heart beat. But I’m still struggling to wrap my head around the fact it’s reciprocated.
The voice in the back of my head continues to whisper that I don’t deserve her love. That I never deserved Rafe, which is why he left me. The voice had only grown stronger in recent years, my own doubts being doubled with the King’s neverending words.
That same voice had only ever quieted when Rafe was around. And then again when Elia came into my life. As long as I have her, I can pretend that I’m holding it together, that I can love her and nothing else matters.
Here, so far away from Ashven, it’s easy to pretend that I’m only a man in love, with no other versions of me.
“Hey, handsome,” Elia greets me, wrapping a hand around my waist.
I pull her into a deep kiss, lingering until someone coughs behind us.
“Time to leave, lovebirds,” Ginna teases sarcastically. She’d already given me shit earlier this week, telling me that the walls on the ship weren’t as thick as they’d seem.
I blush furiously, but Elia only laughs in response.
I take her hand as we disembark theMidas.I had instructed the crew to stay on the ship to prevent any further damage or theft while we dock. They weren’t told of the purpose of our trip, either, so it would be us three to find Rafe alone.
It still hasn’t actually hit me that there is the very real possibility of seeing Rafe again, and soon. I had wanted to spend the trip here focusing only on Elia and I’s relationship, and while I don’t regret that, I now find myself nervous. My hands are twitching uncontrollably, and hopefully Elia can’t tell through the one that’s gripping mine tightly.
She’s also nervous, but for different reasons. She hasn’t traveled anywhere outside of Ashven. This is all a new experience for her, one I’m not sure yet if she likes or not.
I’m sure she’s also not thrilled at the thought of meeting Rafe. I wouldn’t want to be introduced to any of Elia’s ex-partners, either.
I squeeze her hand in what I hope to be a reassuring gesture. But based on the decorum of the port we docked in, I’m not sure it helps.
Where Ashven had been calm and civilized, Sevrin is loud and rowdy. People shout down from the ships to workers scrambling to load crates. Merchants yell about the wares they are selling, trying to make last minute sales to visitors.
