I know.
Chapter twenty-six
Resurrection
Kenjia
AfterIfinishedthewar room meeting, I pulled Rin aside, and we went to my office.
I closed the door behind us and laid the book from my mother's belongings on the desk—The Rites of Burial and Becoming. Then, I opened the book to the drawing and broke it all down. The hole in the earth. The lotus blossoms. The two cuts. The bindings. Blood to earth. Flesh to flesh. Souls to earth.
I spoke for a long time.
Rin listened.
But when I got to the cost—if she dies, you die, no matter where you are— Rin's demeanor shifted. His shoulders dropped. His eyes lowered to the page. His hand came up, rested on the edge of the desk, and fisted.
And then Rin began to speak.
"All those women in my past. . .” Rin let out a long breath. “I covered their faces with leather first, then linen. And then I landed on silk. Always I tied the bags behind their heads, barely touching them.”
I leaned against my desk.
"Due to my family and. . .what they did. Somewhere deep inside me, love had spoiled into fear. And I never learned the true shape of passion and desire."
I pursed my lips.
He continued, still looking at the book. "And it wasn’t just that I feared seeing my mother’s face during the act.”
His bottom lip quivered. “It was also that. . .faces made things real. Eyes made things dangerous. A mouth gasping. . .No. All I wanted was a body arching beneath me. That required little."
Rin unfisted his hand and his thumb moved once against the wood of my desk. "So I covered them all, and the women allowed it. Some laughed. Some obeyed. Some thrilled at the darkness. Afterward, I left them with trembling thighs and aching pussies while the deepest parts of me remained untouched and unnamed."
The room held very still.
Finally, he looked up at me, and what I saw in his face made my heartbeats stutter. There was madness and desire in his gaze. "And then I met Deja. She’s got a sharp mouth and a strong will, and there was no bag I could put on her face. And in the end. . .I didn’t want to anyway. I yearned to see her face as I pushed inside of her.”
I cleared my throat.
“And. . .I told her why I needed that bag.”
I widened my eyes. “You told her?”
“I did.” He nodded. “And she looked at me as though every ruined thing inside me was gorgeous and treasured. She toldme about something from her past. . .something that. . .broke her. That makes me want to kill the person after we finish this war.”
I pursed my lips. “Give Reo the name and the person will be dead by the evening.”
“Good.” A cruel smile spread across Rin’s face. “I will. Once it’s done, send me his head.”
“Okay.” I swallowed, not used to Rin showing so much emotion even if that smile was drenched in brutality.
Rin swallowed. “And after she told me about. . .her wounds, she said, 'Still no on the bag. I'm not hiding from you and you're not hiding from me.I want you to see who's loving you tonight.'”
I swallowed.
He glanced down at the book again and stared at the drawings of the Burial Ritual. “Her touch. . .”
I quirked my brows.
