My Tiger did it, taking her time, lighting each one, and making the photographs glow.
When she was done, I whispered, "I don't want to cry in front of you."
"Why not?" She looked at me. "I love you so much. More than anything. I even love your tears."
I spoke through clenched teeth, "Tora. . ."
"Men cry."
"We are not men. We are parts of a dangerous beast."
"You are men." Her voice was so soft, so fucking tender. "And men laugh. Men protect. And men cry."
She looked up at Hiroko's picture. Tears slid down her face. "We all cry. That's part of being human."
I fought it. My jaw was locked so hard it ached into my molars. My throat had closed around a sound I refused to release. The pressure lived behind my eyes, in the hinge of my jaw, in the diaphragm beneath my ribs.
I held all three shut.
I stared at the candles. The flames. Anywhere but her face or those pictures.
Hiro sobbed and then I heard Reo crying too.
Goddamn it.
I was close to getting up and leaving not only that space, but the entire ballroom.
She spoke, "Would you like the biological reasoning for tears?"
Attempting to avoid crying, I nodded.
"When you get really sad, your brain knows it's too much."
I kept my eyes on the flames.
"So. . .your brain sends signals through your body. Your chest gets tight. Your throat closes. Your head feels heavy."
My jaw tightened.
"That's emotional pressure. And your body has a way to release it."
I exhaled slowly through my nose.
"Tears aren't just water. They carry stress chemicals."
I slowly looked at her. "What?"
"The tears have cortisol and hormones that act as natural pain relievers. It's all the things your body makes when you're overwhelmed."
I parted my lips.
"So, when you cry, you're not falling apart." She took my hand and squeezed it. "You're letting your body release that pressure to. . .heal your whole system."
I looked back at the flame.
"And to hold the tears in. To deny them. Well. . .that just rips the pain open further. Makes it worse. Makes you sick. Makes you go mad."
Silence stretched.
