“I didn’t,” he said. His voice was heavy with regret, and so was his body. “I found it difficult, and neither of us tried.”
“I want to try. I know that your expectation for marriage was always something distant. But… I didn’t have one at all.”
“What?”
“I was going to say something about my expectations of marriage. But I’ll be honest, I never really expected to get married. Much less to a king. I have no expectations.”
“You did. Of me.”
“And you let me down. Which is terribly sad. But it would be hard for you to let me down worse a second time.”
He could only hope that was true. He wanted her to understand how high the stakes were for him here, but to do that meant exposing his marriage to Circe.
The decision to be made, he supposed, was whether to trust her or not. He’d roared into this with no trust in her at all, accusing her of all manner of subterfuge.
In this moment he needed to drop his guard.
In this moment, he needed to give her some honesty.
“I don’t want to be trapped in a marriage where my wife hates me. Not again. You said something to me earlier today. You talked about the fact that you’re tired. Tired of living in a house where people despise you. So am I. I can accept fault for the state of my marriage. I wasn’t a good husband. I was so focused on being a good king that I know I failed her in immeasurable ways. But also, she didn’t like me. And I really didn’t want to be trapped in a marriage with someone who hated me. Not again. So I would very much like it if we can come to a place where you don’t hate me.”
“Then you need to let go.”
“Of what?”
“While we’re here. You need to let go of the king. And just be the man.”
Chapter Twelve
The next day, Birdie was still turning over her dinner with Onyx in her head. She could think of nothing else.
Not just his physical beauty either. But the way he’d actually been vulnerable with her last night. The way he’d shared with her. But then also there was his physical beauty.
Which was vast indeed.
Pretty embarrassing to admit that level of fixation with someone who thought so poorly of her. When she came downstairs in the morning, he was already sitting there eating breakfast.
She smiled. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
Last night he’d actually shared with her, and that had stuck with her. Maybe she should try vulnerability instead of just honesty.
“It’s so quiet here. You know, I’ve never lived by myself. And I’ve never even really gotten to spend a substantial amount of time without people around me. I’m often by myself. Lonely in the palace, moving through and doing my chores without chatting to anyone. And then, it’s the same at my stepmother’s house. Everyone ignores me. Unless they need something from me. Then it’s all commandments.”
“I know what you mean.”
She smiled. “I guess you do. Though, I would venture to say that people speak to you with a bit more deference.”
“Not Andrei or my sister.”
“No. I suppose they don’t. I was very impressed with your sister for taking my side when you first brought me into the palace.”
“Emerald is like that. And she certainly doesn’t do what I say.”
“No. When she left that convenient marriage you set up for her and married her bodyguard instead I think the whole kingdom was scandalized.”
“I did not set up that convenient marriage for her,” he said.
