“It’s not a bad thing to have feelings, Onyx,” his friend pointed out.
“I know that,” he said. “But it is not the way I would normally behave, and I’m not proud of myself.”
“Don’t be proud, then. But it happened. I’m no stranger to that.”
“I know. Except when you lost control it was with my sister and you created an international incident.”
“Congratulations on avoiding political upheaval with your ill-advised sex. You are right. I can’t say the same.” Andrei was, as ever, unrepentant.
“I want to find her,” he said. “She’s all I can think about. I have to get married again. And there’s a woman out there… As long as she’s not married to someone else, I need her to be mine. She must’ve been a guest at the funeral.” His thoughts began to move faster. “I don’t see why I can’t take her to be my wife. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted her.”
“And how are you going to find her? You can hardly go around acting like Prince Charming, seeing who fits your cock, can you?”
Onyx almost laughed at that, an angry huffing sound working the back of his throat. “Hardly.”
“So, you have to invite everyone back who was at the funeral. For a ball.”
“Are you out of your damned mind? We can’t have a party this soon after Circe’s death.”
“She loved a party,” Andrei said. “Particularly one in her honor.”
“I am especially not having a party in my dead wife’s honor for me to find another woman.”
“Why not? She didn’t want you. She would probably be thrilled that you were moving on to somebody else. She would only wish that she was still alive to see it. I know that that makes things complicated. Because you’re trying to present as a grieving husband for all the world to see, but you aren’t. Not in the way that you would like to be. I want to see you happy. If you can find this woman, then you should do it. And not wait any longer.”
“I didn’t see her face,” he said. “When I say I don’t know who she was, I mean… I really don’t know. She was small, and I’m almost totally certain blonde. Her hair was long and very curly, but women change their hair all the time.”
Andrei seemed to consider that. “I can see how that’s a problem.”
“I’d have a better shot at recognizing her in the dark.”
“A masquerade,” Andrei said. “Have a masquerade. It’s so dramatic that it’s perfect. You’ll see her as you did that night. Not fully revealed, and you’ll have to find her again based on that connection you had with her.”
“I don’t know that desire can be called…connection.”
Andrei snorted. “Lies. It is. It’s only that you’ve never experienced it like this, am I right?”
He shook his head slowly. “No.”
“I know you don’t wish to hear too much about the way I feel about your sister. But I spent years trying to deny it. I spent years sleeping with women who looked like her, thinking to myself that I could demystify her. Take the edge off what I felt. But desire isn’t about beauty. Yes, it’s part of it, but there’s more. There’s something more that makes it so no one else will do, that no one else will truly satisfy you. That is what you’ll recognize. I promise you.”
The door to his study opened, and the little maid who saw to all of his needs during the day came in. She was such a funny, unassuming creature. Her blond hair always done in a tight bun, the pale blue uniform she wore making her figure an indistinct shape. She never met his gaze. She always scuttled around like she was nervous. When they spoke, he found her amusing. Which always surprised him because so much of her demeanor seemed bashful.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Good morning, your highness,” she said, edging around Andrei and setting a tray of tea and sweets on his desk.
He wanted to tell Andrei he was insane, but he also wanted this to work. He just needed to believe it could.
“And what?” he asked. “We send out repeat invites, and say all of you who came to the funeral, come to this masked ball now?”
“We can expand it. Include some of the ladies in the kingdom. We have a full list of people who came, and that can be repeated. So I think that’s exactly what we should do. And actually, I know you feel it’s quite early, but you should definitely find a wife at least a year before you take one. So even if you do meet someone at the ball, you can take your time. No one has to know what you’re up to behind closed doors.”
The maid dropped a teacup onto the floor, shattering the porcelain. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I…”
Something jolted inside him and he turned to look at her. His head was bent, she was on her knees cleaning up the glass and something…tugged at him.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
