“And your mother?”
“Mystepmother,” she corrected.
“Does she know?”
Birdie shook her head. “That would require the lady to look at me on any given morning before I leave the house, and she rarely ever does that. Not a complaint, I assure you. But I don’t think she’s aware enough of me to observe anything.”
“Good. And the father?”
Birdie clasped her hands in her lap. “I haven’t told him.”
“Birdie, it looks to me that you are a few months gone.”
Birdie nodded. “I am. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t… He’s not someone that I can just speak to.”
“Tell me everything,” Elizabeth said.
“I… It was the night of the queen’s funeral.” She looked down at her hands. “I just wanted to comfort him. I just… He’s so… He means so much to me and I thought he needed me.”
“Birdie,” she said, looking so sad and sympathetic it killed Birdie more than if she’d been angry or disapproving. “I know you care very much for the king. I’ve watched you for years. I know that you adore him. But… He wouldn’t… You work in the palace.”
“He doesn’t know it was me,” she said quickly. “It was dark in the room, I knew it was him, because of course I did, because I… I care about him. I’ve served him for all these years. I thought for sure he must know. But then when I came to serve him the next day he didn’t recognize me.” A tear slid down her cheeks. “It didn’t matter who I was.”
“My dear, he didn’t force himself on you.” Her words were steely and direct.
“No!” Her eyes went wide, and flew to Elizabeth’s. “I wanted to do something for him. I wanted to be there for him. I’m the one who caused all of this. And now he… He’s looking for a wife. I just overheard him in the office. He was talking to Andrei Ardelean. They’re planning on having everyone back, all of the nobles, and he’s going to choose a wife at this big masked ball.”
Elizabeth looked shocked. “It’s only been five months since the queen’s death.”
“I know. They had that entire discussion. It’s all in service of finding someone and delaying the wedding for a year or so. But making sure that it’s… What do I do? Do I just tell him? I… I can’t bear the rejection. What if he laughs at me? Doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t have any inkling it was me. I’m in his study every day and I feel alive with it, with the knowledge of what happened between us and he…he barely looks at me.”
“My dear,” Elizabeth said. “I am so sorry.”
“I can’t imagine that he’s going to be happy when he finds out that he’s having a child with me. I’m nothing. I’m no one. It’s so ridiculous to him that he would’ve ever slept with a maid that he looked me full in the face after being inside of me and…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I’m saying more than I mean to.”
Elizabeth knelt down beside her. “Heartbreak is a terrible thing, my dear, and it’s all right for you to acknowledge that you were very intimate with him, and it hurts you that he doesn’t see you like you do him. It certainly isn’t too much for me to hear.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“There’s only one thing to be done.”
“What?”
“He needs to recognize you.”
“What? It’s a masked ball and I can’t go anyway!”
“I have an idea,” she said, tapping her chin. “You need to go to the ball.”
“But I can’t. I won’t be invited.”
“You weren’t invited to the funeral either. You were working. But it’s easy, once you’re already in the palace, to steal into any room you like. As you well know.”
Her cheeks went hot. “I suppose so.”
“If he recognizes you, if he sees you and he knows, then he might realize who you are.”
“Do you really think so?”
