What would it be like to be loved?
Chapter Three
Payden
I should have joined the others, got out of the cabin for a while, but they’d see my puffy eyes, and I didn’t want to bring down the party with my sob story. What a waste.
I should’ve seen it coming.
I should’ve listened to Mom.
Instead, I followed my heart and now it’s broken.
Stupid heart. Stupid love. Stupid… me.
I glanced at the phone again, huge mistake, re-reading his message for the thousandth time.
Daddy: Payden, I’m sorry but this isn’t working out for me. It’s over. Enjoy your vacation.
Enjoy my vacation? How was that even possible. I wanted to curse and call him all kinds of bad names, but that wasn’t me. I wasn’t raised to be mean or hateful. But to end it like that? Noteven with a simpleI’ll always love youoryou’re a good boyjust a plain old brush off.
Like I never meant anything to him.
What’s worse is I tried to text back to ask what I did wrong, thinking maybe I can fix this, but I’m blocked. The message wouldn’t even go through. It just sat there, taunting me. I erased it, just like he had done to me. Too bad I couldn’t take an eraser to my brain and remove all traces of him and the hurt I felt.
The lull of the train running over the tracks rocked me in and out of sleep. I know I should at least find the dining car and get some food in me but the thought of seeing happy couples was killing me. My mother would read me the riot act for pouting and tell me to get back out there, that the right man was waiting for me.
Hadn’t planned to spend the first twenty-some-odd hours holed up in my tiny cabin living off the snacks I’d brought. It was time to get real food in me and dangit, I wanted to wear my new unicorn costume. If I pulled the hood down far enough it would cover most of my face. Then the others won’t notice I’ve got a bad case of the sads.
The first thought when I stepped into the tiny shower space that was shared with the toilet was that Daddy would never have fit in here. Then it hit me, I no longer had a Daddy, and I wondered if I ever really did.
“Enough of this. I’m on vacation.” Hopefully saying those words aloud will trigger the sads to go away. At least long enough for me to enjoy the expensive perks I paid extra for. Determined to make the most of the rest of this trip, I put on my costume and didn’t bother to cover my face.
Most of the cars were quiet, guess it was too early for the partiers to be awake. Following the car map, I managed to get to the dining car without getting lost. Yay me!
“Good morning, sir, I like your costume,” the nice hostess said as soon as I slipped inside.
Blush heated my cheeks, but I was a super cute unicorn. “Thank you. Do you have a table for one?”
“Right this way.”
She seated me at a two-seater that had a wonderful view with a peek at the ocean and handed me a menu. I loved the beach, playing in the sand, wading waist deep into the chilly water to cool down then back to my sand toys. Always one of my favorite things to do when I have a rare day off.
“Excuse me, do you know when our next stop is?”
“Yes, it’s in about an hour and I hear they have a wonderful toy selection in their store there,” she winked. These were my people. I was a fool for ignoring them during my pity party for one. Tonight, I’d join the fun and maybe, just maybe make new friends.
Everything on the menu was Pride themed and they even had a special section for littles. I nearly squealed aloud and barely managed to contain it. “I’ll have the teddy bear pancakes with bacon, please.”
“Juice or coffee?”
“Apple juice please, if you have it.”
“We do. I’ll bring it right out, sir. Enjoy the view.”
With each passing moment, my happiness and my little were working their way toward the surface. In hindsight, I should’ve seen this coming. Now it was time to embrace this new beginning and take my life back. No more pining for a Daddy who didn’t want me. I was going after what I wanted and not bowing to anyone. I was worth more than that.
Holy moly, I sounded like my mother.
