“Uh,” Payden stammered, cheeks flushing.
“Yup,” I replied, wanting to spare him the embarrassment of explaining, his pride had already taken enough hits as it was. “And more than a little ashamed of having missed the start of the trip.”
“I imagine so,” the Porter replied, though his shrewd gaze suggested that he saw through our ruse.
Still, his response was as professional as they came. He didn’t bat an eye as he checked my ticket and welcomed me aboard.
“This is our cabin,” Payden announced when we reached a space that could definitely be considered close quarters, not that I hadn’t slept in smaller. Try sharing a van with three other guys as you crisscross the country.
“I think I need a moment to sort out what just happened,” I admitted as I stood just inside the cabin, looking for a place to put my guitar.
“You agreed to go on vacation with me,” Payden explained, shuffling a few things around so I could tuck my guitar in a corner where it wouldn’t slide around when the train stopped.
“That I did,” I said, setting my backpack down so I could place my guitar case in the spot.
“Please say you don’t regret it.”
The vulnerability in his voice made my heart ache. I couldn’t imagine how humiliated he’d been, waiting for his partner to show up, full of hope and excitement to share his first train ride with someone who was special enough that he’d arranged all of this for him.
“Nope, not even a little,” I replied. “I’m just blown away is all. I thought it was a joke at first.”
“And you still said yes?”
“You can fake a story, but you can’t fake the hurt I saw in your eyes,” I explained. “That’s what made up my mind for me. “I’m sorry your partner decided to show his true colors in the worst possible way.”
“He was my Daddy,” Payden admitted. “Or at least, I thought he was, but he rarely had time for me, which probably should have been my first clue.”
I opened my mouth to ask for clarification, since outside, he’d said partner and not father, when it dawned on me exactly what he meant and I was doubly pissed off on his behalf.
“Sounds like a pretend Daddy to me,” I grumbled.
“You know what a Daddy is?”
“I do.”
“Are you one?”
Wow, he didn’t hold back when a question popped into his head, which was refreshing, since too many people beat around the bush and wound up in the middle of a misunderstanding.
It deserved an honest answer, despite how complicated it might be.
“I’ve been a caretaker a time or two,” I admitted. “At clubs I used to belong to. But the lifestyle I led never left room to find a boy of my own.”
“Did you want one?”
Chuckling, I shook my head and unfolded one of the chairs, sitting across from where he sat at the foot of the bed.
“No,” I replied, hoping it didn’t sound as harsh to him as it sounded to me, so I hurried to explain. “Only because I didn’t have time to devote to anyone that way. I was…”
Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said.
The thing was, I kinda did.
“After what you shared with me on the platform, you deserve the truth. It’s just not a story I share with many people, well, anyone, really, unless I’m feeling nostalgic, which is rare.”
“Oh.”
