“What you said sucked,” I said. “It really, really hurt. And I still don’t totally understand why you couldn’t let me figure my shit outandbe with you. But I don’t blame you for feeling like it was getting in the way.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she said, her brows pulling up and in, her lips forming into a pout. “It wasn’t getting in the way. I just…”
I could see her debating what she wanted to say to me; how far to push this. It felt like we were on the precipice of something; maybe the most honest conversation we’d ever had. So I stood stock still, not wanting to spook her.
“I didn’t know what I wanted yet,” she said. “And it felt like your baggage was making you pull me in a direction that I’m not even sureyouwanted for me.”
I sort of half-laughed – more of an audible smile, really – and she frowned.
“So in other words,” I said, “it was getting in the way?”
She rolled her eyes up and to the side as she thought about that, taking a deep breath. “Yes, okay, fine. It was getting in the way. Butyouweren’t getting in the way. And it’s important to me that you know that.”
“I think I do,” I said, and it was true.
As I watched the way she looked at me, her chocolate brown eyes staring into mine, I felt like maybe she still wanted me as much as I wanted her. God, she was gorgeous. And so talented, and so clever. And infuriating sometimes. And I really, really wanted to kiss her.
But I didn’t get the chance, because she kissed me first.
Her lips were soft and tentative at first, but the moment I parted mine to taste her, something ignited in her. She reached her arms up over my shoulders, running one hand through the hair at the nape of my neck, biting at my lower lip. I’d made out with Morgan enough times to know what that meant – what she wanted – and I went instantly hard in response.
I reached down to wrap my hands around her thighs, spreading her apart and lifting her up; fuck me, she wasn’t wearing underwear, either. I set her back down on the edge of the counter next to the sink, and she pressed her hips up into me and pulled my mouth back to hers with an urgency that left me breathless. I wrapped one of her curls around my finger, ran my thumb over her nipple through her top, traced the curve of her hips. Then finally, I sank my fingers into the wetness of her folds.
All the things I’d been missing most when I was alone at night. All of the moments I’d replayed in the weeks since we’d broken up. They were right in front of me, and I was going to have them all. Taste them all. If she’d let me.
Her hand tugged at my waistband and rubbed up the length of my hard-on, and I knew herlettingme wouldn’t be the problem. I felt like I was about to explode just from a single touch.
“Please,” she said, holding me in her hand, tugging me towards her, and she didn’t need to ask me twice. I pressed straight into her so quickly it made her gasp. And as I thrust as slowly as I could make myself, all I could think wasYes. Finally. I’m never giving this up again. Fuck, I love this woman.
I brought my hand to her face, and then she moved it to her neck, where I squeezed gently, making her gasp in delight. I couldn’t help but pick up my pace, somehow getting even harder inside her. Then she began to tighten around me, and I used every ounce of restraint I had left to keep my rhythm, moving my other hand to the spot between her legs I knew would push her just over the edge. She pressed forward against me as she came, pulsing around me, and I wrapped my arms around her as I thrust once, twice, three times more before I came, too, bracing myself against the mirror as she held me close. Then I collapsed against her body as we both breathed hard in time with one another.
Everything went a little fuzzy for a moment whilst I came down from the heat of the moment, and it wasn’t until I felt a gentle push against my chest that I even considered moving. I grabbed my wet t-shirt from the sink – it needed a wash anyway, I supposed – and handed it to Morgan as I extracted myself carefully.
“That was incredible,” I said as I grabbed my joggers from the floor of Phil’s room and slipped them back on. I’d have to go get another top from downstairs, but that was fine. I finally had Morgan back, and I didn’t care who knew it.
“Shit,” Morgan muttered from the bathroom, and I turned around to see her leaning back against the mirror, her hand on her head.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, stepping back towards her and lifting a hand to touch her leg, but she waved me away.
“Don’t, Jack,” she said, her voice firm. “This doesn’t change anything.”
I froze instantly. “What do you mean?” I asked, hoping desperately I’d misunderstood her.
“I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that you and I desperately need some distance,” she said, motioning between us. “It doesn’t change any decisions either of us has made.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, the hamster in a wheel that passed for my brain running double-time to try to keep up with this about-face. “We made up, didn’t we? Is that not what just happened?”
“No, it’s not,” she said, pushing me out of her way and jumping down from the sink. “You apologised twice. That doesn’t change anything for us.”
“How does it not change things?” I asked, feeling like I was having the same fight again, but in reverse. “I don’t understand what you want from me here.”
She turned back on me. “Look, I’m sorry I let it get this far. But the apologies? They don’t mean anything without actions. Acknowledging the problem doesn’t absolve you of actually having to solve it. And you haven’t solved anything. So no, this doesn’t change things between us.”
I shook my head. There was so much she didn’t know. If she’d only let me explain.
“I know that,” I said, my voice weak and wobbly. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to grab her by the hands and tell her that I knew. That I was working on it. That I’d doneso much, and if only she’d let me prove it to her, things would be different.
But the part of me that still fought against all the change I was making kept me frozen. And when she finally looked me in the eye, I thought my heart might excise itself from my body. She looked so … determined.
