I didn’t say anything at first, not sure how much of my recent loneliness to admit. Ithadbeen hard, but in an almost embarrassing way. The fact that my life had been so wrapped up in one other person that I felt lost without them? And not even a partner or family member, but a friend? It felt … well, a bit pathetic.
I kept my eyes fixed on the crest of the hill still a long way ahead of us. Jack must have mistaken my consideration for offence though, as he jumped in to apologise.
“I’m sorry, that was insensitive to bring up.”
“Not at all,” I assured him. “You’re not wrong. It’s just a weird thing to admit. But hey, plus a hundred XP for paying attention.”
He paused for a long moment, and all I could hear was the scuff of our shoes on the gravel, our laboured breathing, and the rush of wind. I was expecting something snarky about emotional XP in reply, but it never came.
“Has Chloe told you about my hermit months?” he finally asked.
“Yes, because Chloe and I get paid to sit around and talk about you all day,” I said, smirking at him out of the corner of my eye. He laughed, just as his fingers brushed against mine again.
“Fair enough. Well, when Aria and I split up, I was in a pretty bad place. I came home and basically didn’t leave the farm for six months other than to buy food or building supplies. I built my house all on my own, and I fixed up the Defender, camping on site the whole time.”
“Wow. VeryBob the Builderof you.”
He shrugged. “I liked it. Designing the house, figuring out how to integrate it with such an aggressively altered landscape…” His voice turned wistful. “But the point is, I had a lot to process. I’d spent almost seven years as half of a pair, and I needed to get to know myself as a person without her. I had to do that in my own way. And Chloe and Phil respected that. They forced me to eat with them once a week, all of us together, but they put on a film so I didn’t have to talk. They’d even come sit with me whilst I worked, and hand me tools and stuff. They never made me talk. They were just there for me.”
I swallowed the feelings that were building listening to him talk about his built-in support network that I very much didn’t have, despite what Chloe had said. “Is this supposed to make me feel less alone?”
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m not saying this well. What I’mtryingto say is, you’ll work through it at your own pace. And in the meantime, no pressure to talk it out if you don’t want to.”
I smiled up at him. “That’s really lovely, Jack. Thank you.”
We came to a stop as we reached what looked to be the highest point on the ridge, where a small rock formation marked the summit. I made sure to get a good look at the view we’d worked so hard to reach. And it really was stunning.
A cloud passed in front of the sun, throwing us into shadow, which made all the colours around us come to life. Jack and I both pushed our sunglasses up onto our heads to see better.
“That’s Wales,” Jack said, pointing to the ridge on our left, and then to the right. “And that’s England.”
“Amazing,” I said, in a way that probably sounded trite, but I was genuinely amazed. The hills to our right – England, apparently – formed a dramatic cliff, and sparse low-hanging clouds drifted along it, only about halfway up the cliff face. The wind rushed at us, even though it hadn’t been a particularly breezy day back at the car, and I leaned into it. It felt like we were on top of the world. Like there was nothing I couldn’t do.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked, and I turned to see him smiling, because he already knew the answer. I was sure it was written all over my face.
“I feel invincible.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled slightly, the brilliant green of them glinting in the sunlight. He looked genuinely thrilled for me, and maybe something more. Something that I was sure I was reflecting right back at him.
I stepped off the rock and over to him, feeling emboldened both by the hike and the way he was looking at me. I don’t know what came over me, but I reached out and put a hand on his forearm.
“Thank you, Jack. I really wouldn’t have done this without you. And I would have been missing out.”
“I’m just happy you got the chance,” he said, his voice low and rough, and as I dropped my hand, he reached his out, our fingers brushed against one another. Looking up at him, his face was just inches from mine, and I got flashbacks to floating in front of him in the river. As if the current were still pushing me, I stepped forward slightly, and I saw him look down at my mouth as I did. I took the chance to admire his, too, and the slight golden stubble on his jawline, and the muscled line of his neck. His fingers pressed gently between mine so they were somewhat entwined. By the time my eyes made it back to his, I was certain this could only be headed in one direction, and I tilted my chin up just a bit more, waiting for him to close the gap between us.
But instead he took a big step back, his fingers dropping away from mine, and frowned.
“Sorry,” he said firmly. But he didn’t sound sorry. The shift in his tone so jarring, in fact, that it was like he’d become a completely different person.
“Sorry,” he said again, “but I think you’ve got the wrong idea here.”
Chapter13
Jack
“Ithink you’ve got the wrong idea here,” I said, setting my jaw in an attempt to make my voice come out strong and clear. My breathing was fast and shallow, but I tried my best to disguise it. I needed to seem calm. Unbothered. Unflustered. Despite the fact that I felt the exact opposite. The weight that had formed in my stomach felt like it would pull me to the ground, and it was everything I could do not to let it.
Morgan’s face fell, and I nearly lost my nerve. I wanted to reverse the step I’d taken away from her; to rub my finger over the crease that had formed between her eyebrows. She was so confused, and I didn’t blame her. It was my fault. I’d been gravitating closer to her – physically and otherwise – since we’d got out of the car. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her poof of a ponytail and her sun-kissed shoulders. And I’d been the one to grab her hand just a moment ago.
