“I’m sorry,” she said. “That was a bit intense.”
“Yeah, a bit,” I said. “You okay?”
She snapped her gaze up to look at me. “Why, because I must not be okay if I disagree with you about something?” Almost immediately, the intensity drained from her eyes, and she brought her hand to her forehead. “Sorry, I did it again.”
I’d learned my lesson; I stayed quiet this time. I just sat down next to her and put a hand on her knee, stroking it with my thumb.
“I’m just so stressed about the gala, and about work in general…”
“What else is going on?” I asked.
“Well, this promotion,” she said. “If everything goes well on Thursday, I’ll get Aaron’s job. But the problem is, I kind of hate his job.”
“Yeah, but didn’t you hate your job before, too?”
“That’s kind of the point,” she said, shrugging. “That’s why I’ve been trying to find a new one.”
So she had been actively applying. Maybe even interviewing. Even since we got together, from the sound of it.
“How far have you gotten with that?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, but I was no longer breathing.
Morgan looked up at me, her eyebrows pressed together. I wasn’t fooling her. “Pretty far, actually,” she said. “I’ve got a final interview booked with one in a week.”
“One of the ones I sent you?” I asked, looking down at my hand on her knee to try to keep from giving myself away, but my voice was starting to shake.
Morgan nodded.
“Which one?”
It took her several seconds to answer, during which she swallowed hard and looked down as well, placing her hand over mine, lacing our fingers together.
“The software company,” she said. “The one in York.”
Whoomp, there it is.
“You’re thinking about moving to York?” I asked, and I didn’t even try to hide the disbelief in my voice. I felt my hand tense on her knee, so I yanked it away before she could feel it.
“You sent it to me,” she said, still calm, but not really answering my question. Which I guessed was a question in and of itself.
“Yeah, I know I did,” I said. I sort of hated Past Jack for basically giving her the green light to leave me, but I also knew we probably wouldn’t have got together had I not extended that olive branch. But knowing that didn’t make it sting any less.
“This doesn’t change anything between us,” she said, reaching out for my hand, but I moved it away. I wouldn’t hold her hand whilst she explained how it was okay that she was possibly moving hundreds of miles away.
“How can you say that?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair, holding my head in my hands. “Of course things will change. We’ve spent almost every night together for over a month.”
“That’s not fair,” she said, and I still didn’t look at her, but I could hear the scowl in her voice, all hard consonants and over-enunciation.
“You know what’s not fair? You not telling me about this until now.”
“I didn’t want to freak you out if it wasn’t going to happen,” she said, her voice cracking slightly.
“Oh, so you admit that you knew it would freak me out,” I said. “Which means some part of you knows that thingshavechanged. Or at least they have for me. Have I been deluding myself about what this is?” I gestured back and forth between us.
She shook her head. “You’re the one that sent me the listing to begin with. I’m not letting you make me feel bad for following the course you laid out for me.”
“That’s not what I was doing,” I said, but she held up a hand to stop me.
“I can’t do this right now,” she said. “It’s a moot point until I know if I’ve even gotten the job.”
