“Phil,” she said, and hearing the strain in her voice when she said my name made my heart feel like it might beat straight out of my chest, through the breastplate and onto the ground in front of us. Though I supposed that was the idea of all this.
“Amy,” I said back, smiling. She could stomp on it if she wanted to. It was hers to do with as she wished.
“I read the lore?—”
“It’s a lot, I know,” I interrupted, stepping in close, needing her to hear me. “And I’m not trying to ask for anything you don’t want to give. I just thought you should know how I really felt.Feel, still. Because the thing is, I love you too, Amy.”
Her eyes went wide. “What?”
“I love you,” I continued, right over the top of her reply. If I stopped, I might not start again. And I needed to get this out. “And yeah, I love you like a friend, and I want the best for you, yada yada. But I’m alsoinlove with you. I have been for years. And I’m sorry I ever let you feel like I wasn’t.”
I watched as her face melted, her eyes growing wide and wet, her brows quirking up in the middle, her lower lip falling slightly away from the other.
“And if I fucked things up too badly,” I said, “if you can’t forgive me, that’s fine. I’ll be your friend. But if you’ll let me, well, I’d really like to carry on being in love with you.”
Amy bit her lips and took a shaky breath in. “But what does that change, Phil? If you were in love with me yesterday, and last month, and last year, but you still pushed me away.”
“It changes everything,” I said, gathering her hands in mine and bringing them to my face. “Youchanged everything, just by being yourself. By bringing the magic to anything and everything you touch. By forcing me to realise what I really want, which is this.”
I pressed a kiss to each of her hands in turn. The corner of her mouth quirked up slightly, but she didn’t give just yet.
“Why couldn’t you do this before?” she asked, her voice small and quiet.
“I was scared,” I admitted. “Shit, I’m still scared. Everything around me feels like it could fall apart at any moment. And I was stupid, too, because I thought focusing on you was whatmadeeverything fall apart.
“But that wasn’t true, Amy. Everything else was already falling apart. But you were holdingmetogether. And if everything’s going to shit anyway, I want to be standing there side by side with you, if you’ll have me. I want to spend every moment of every day showing up for you the way you’ve shown up for me. Not everysparemoment, because we both know there would be nothing left to give. I want to put you first like you deserve. I want to be your knight in shining armour.”
I stared into her eyes, willing her to see how much I meant it. How badly I wanted to not only be present– beherpresent– but be her future, too. God knew we already had the past covered.
She didn’t say anything for a long time, just kept staring at me, as if she were trying to work something out, too. People moved around us, but it was like we were in a little bubble, as if the rest of the ball wasn’t there around us at all. But somehow, I heard shouts from somewhere in the room.
And clearly Amy heard them too. I saw her frown and look around, and only then did I listen to them properly.
“Kiss her, you fool!” Ethel yelled again, and I looked over to see Chloe keeping her hand on Ethel’s shoulder so she didn’t jump out of her wheelchair and come towards us.
In the past I might have worried about the uneven floor or the way she was leaning, but I let myself be present, turning back to Amy instead.
“Is that Chloe’s Fairy Godmother dress?” she asked, still looking over at Ethel. “A bit campy, no?”
“She wanted to dress for the occasion,” I said, relieved as I watched a smile creep over Amy’s face. “It was the only thing I had that felt appropriate.”
“Not the yassified Witch King of Angmar?”
“Oh, we tried it. Let’s just say the way it fit made me a bit uncomfortable as her grandson.”
“You’ve really gone all out, haven’t you?” she said, turning her attention back to me.
“For you? Every time.” I brought a hand to the side of her face, running my thumb along her cheekbone. Her smile dropped instantly, but she didn’t look upset, or even afraid. Just… frozen. Disbelieving, maybe. Hell, I could hardly believe it myself. “What do you say?”
“You mean it?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion. “Because Phil, I really don’t think I can take it if you push me away again.”
“I really mean it,” I said, bringing my other hand up so I was cradling her face in my hands. “I don’t know much, as is well established, but I know that I love you.”
I nearly fainted with relief when she smirked up at me. We weresoback.
“Well, that’s really embarrassing for you,” she said. “Maybe I should find someone who knows more things. Some fun wildlife facts, maybe?”
I stepped closer, shuffling my feet under her skirts, so that her chin tilted up in my hands to meet my gaze, our mouths just a whisper apart. “Yeah, well, your brother’s around here somewhere if you want wildlife facts. This is the best I’ve got.”
