So far, I’d managed to bridge the gap since Chris and I had broken up with just my little blue vibrator and a fantasy of whatever Henry Cavill role– Geralt of Rivia, Clark Kent, Gus March-Phillipps– did it for me in that moment. Now though, it seemed the proximity of our fake dating– which was still very muchfake, I reminded myself– had made it so I had no filter when it came to my thoughts about Phil. Every time I closed my eyes at night, I was inundated with the million and one dream scenarios I’d concocted over the years, which I had tried so hard to bury after he’d rejected me five years ago. The last thing I needed now was getting into bed with him after a few too many meads and a day of blurring the lines between reality and fantasy.
I pulled myself together before switching the digger back on, just long enough to replace the dirt in the hole I’d created, taking care to tamp it down well. Then I turned it off again and climbed out, the midsummer breeze hitting me and giving me instant relief.
I stepped back to admire my handiwork. The pond wasn’t very gently sloped on one side, but I figured that was probably okay as long as the wildlife had some easy ways in. If not, Mum would tell me and I could fix it. But first, I needed to get some food in me.
And maybe douse myself with cold water, based on how dire things had just gotten. Where was an ice-cold reservoir when I needed it most?
I grabbed my water and left the digger where it was as I walked back towards the coach. There I found a woman who must have been at least Ethel’s age hanging out the side of a work van, handing out cartons of food from a cold bag.
“Herbivore or omnivore?” she asked me as I walked up.
“Omnivore’s fine.”
She handed me a brown box with a napkin on top, and I thanked her and walked around to where people were congregating around the trucks. I saw Morgan and Fatima sat in the back of one of the now-empty flatbeds with their own boxes– Morgan’s brown like mine, Fatima’s white– and walked over to join them. I climbed into the bed, then opened my lunch to find a ham and cheese sandwich and some salted crisps. Chloe joined us a moment later with her own identical box, looking even more exhausted than she had earlier.
“Your mum was very thoughtful assigning me to the bee group, but I really hate those bee houses.”
“Really?” Morgan asked through a mouthful of crisps. “Why?”
“They’re the same as those bug hotels you can get with all the tubes, and they always get full of spiders. And I don’t like holes anyway.”
“Honestly, this is gruelling work,” Morgan said, looking down at the dirt under her nails, then ignoring it to reach into her box for her sandwich. “Maybe we should run off into the forest to get out of this afternoon.”
“Oooooh, and live off the land and start a coven,” Chloe said, a bit too excitedly. “Amy can teach us witchcraft.”
“I don’t know anything about that,” I admitted, “but I can do a mean tarot reading.”
We did ultimately get assigned to another task for the afternoon, but Mum must have seen how exhausted we were– embarrassing really, considering how unfazed the older volunteers seemed– as she assigned all four of us to measure for the deer fencing that would be installed to help protect the new tree shoots. I was almost certain it wasn’t a real job, and that she already had the measurements she claimed to need, but I was grateful, especially since it just required walking around in a specific route with a measuring wheel. Plus, there was just one wheel, so we got to stay together the whole time.
We started the walk with Morgan detailing the fantasy book she’d just finished in excruciating detail; even if I’d wanted to read it, and it did sound good, I didn’t need to anymore.
“You ever notice that none of those love interests are blonde?” Fatima asked. “Kind of goes against the shadow daddy aesthetic, I guess.”
“Oooh, wonder how Jack feels about that,” I said, then instantly regretted it; nothing like your boyfriend’s little sister yucking your literary yum, right?
But Morgan just winked. “Hey, my book boyfriends are my business. What Jack doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“How are you guys by the way?” Fatima asked, and again I watched Morgan for any flick of her eyes towards me, or any awkwardness, but she just smiled.
“We’re really good,” she said, her voice almost dreamy. “I’m excited about going travelling together this autumn.”
“That’s big,” Chloe said, “given all the travelling he did with his ex.” Jack and his ex had travelled full-time together for years, and that relationship had fucked him all the way up, to put it lightly.
“Yeah, I mean, I’m a bit worried about that,” Morgan admitted, a half frown appearing on her face. “Not because I think it’ll be the same, but I’m just worried he’ll freak out if his precious independence feels threatened. And given that we’ll be stuck in the car together for a month, we’ll be pretty codependent for a while.”
Honestly, I would have thought the same thing after the mess that was his previous breakup, but I wasn’t worried. Anytime Jack wasn’t with Morgan, he only ever seemed anxious to get back to her.
“Well, that’s far from full-time travel,” I said, “but even then, you’re right. It wouldn’t be the same. I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to move in yet so you can be attached at the hip constantly.”
“I know, right?” Chloe said. “He’s playing it very cool.”
“Tell me about it.” Morgan groaned. “I wish he would. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great housemate, Fatima, but you’re just not as good in bed.”
Fatima laughed. “Maybe he’ll ask once you’re back from travelling and he sees how easy it is to live with you. But you realise you’ll need your licence if you’re gonna move to that cabin.”
“True,” Morgan sighed. “And I really don’t fancy learning to drive. But I’d still want it.”
“And that’s that on true love,” Chloe said. “Thank god he found you.”
