Amy squeezed my hand and held it in place on her knee as she scooted closer to me, until we were just a couple inches apart, our legs nearly touching.
“You do so much for that woman,” she said. “I know you feel like you owe her for raising you after your parents died, but you do more than anyone would ever expect. I don’t think it’s possible to have an easy experience with dementia. From what I’ve read, it’s really normal to feel like you do as a carer.”
“From what you’ve read?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. I’m subscribed to a few newsletters. I’ve ordered a couple of books.”
I smiled. “I love how much you care about her. It means a lot to me.”
“Of course I do. It’s Ethel.”
That might not have meant anything to anyone else, but it meant everything to those who knew her. For Ethel’s whole life, she’d been a force of nature. And yeah, it was heartbreaking to see her losing pieces of that every day. But it didn’t take away one bit of the impact she’d had on everyone in her life over the years.
Amy turned my hand over with hers and laced her fingers through mine, and suddenly the remnants of heat in the air collapsed in on that spot like a black hole. I couldn’t look away from where we touched, her palm pressed firmly against mine.
We were linked in so many ways in our lives, and it felt more palpable than ever. After all my attempts to slow down time over the months and years that I’d been caring for Ethel, it was here with Amy where I felt like I could hold all of that at bay. Where time stood still.
Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to make the move. But then I saw a flicker of uncertainty in her gaze, and my brain flipped from “fuck it” to just “fuck”. So I pulled my hand away and shot up to my feet, pulling my top off over my head as I stood.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, looking up at me, and I felt a moment of smug satisfaction that she couldn’t quite bring her gaze all the way to my eyes.
“Oh, come on,” I said tauntingly, tossing my T-shirt to the side and starting on my belt. “As if you didn’t want to go for a swim.”
“I told you I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Wanting and expecting are two different things,” I said with a grin.
“Yeah, well, it’s so unexpected that I didn’t actually bring a swimsuit.”
“What a shame,” I said, shrugging off my shorts so I was in just my pants. I could feel Amy’s eyes roving over me, and I had to will myself to stay calm lest I give her something to gawk at. I decided the safest course of action was to actually get in the water so she couldn’t see me at all, so I turned and stepped carefully over to the river’s edge.
I’d expected the water to be cold, but the hot summer sun had warmed it through, and it was a pleasant temperature even as I got deep enough to hide what I needed to hide.
“Come on then,” I called to Amy, who’d followed me to the edge but hadn’t undressed. “Don’t be scared, kiddo. The water’s great.”
I’d long since stopped thinking of Amy as “kiddo”, but I knew it would rile her up. And I was right; she set her jaw and glared at me for just a moment before she stood and started unbuttoning her denim cutoffs. She tugged them off over her hips– with an effort I very much enjoyed watching– and they fell to the ground, where she kicked them aside unceremoniously.
My gaze roved up her tantalisingly long legs to where the tanned skin gave way to a thin, gauzy pair of underwear. Then I watched as she gripped the hem of her T-shirt, tugging it up painfully slowly, as if she knew I was watching with bated breath. But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the motion long enough to find out if she was teasing me, and in that moment, I didn’t care. Her stomach wasn’t as tanned as the rest of her, but I saw a peek of even paler flesh as her bra caught on her fingertips, and for a moment, my heart stopped. But she left it on as she took the T-shirt all the way off, revealing a thin white material that matched her pants. My brain skipped a couple of steps ahead, past the realisation that she’d worn matching bra and pants on our picnic, to the fact that she was about to get in the water in a white bralette that looked semi-translucent at best.
I swallowed hard. It was a good thing I’d gotten in first, I thought, or she’d be seeing just how appreciative I was.
She waded in, and I kicked backwards into the deeper water, making her come to me. But once she was in to her thighs, she dove in the rest of the way elegantly, and I lost sight of her in the murky water.
Then her hands found the sides of my thighs under the surface, and I tensed. She came up out of the water directly in front of me, her face appearing at my waist just before she surfaced, sending my imagination running wild. She stood, her shoulders just visible above the waterline. I couldn’t help but reach out and tuck away the stray strand of her hair stuck to her face.
I wanted to pull her close to me, and for a moment, I wondered if my subconscious had taken over, because she seemed to float closer. But then I realised she’d stepped in just an inch or so. I did the same, bringing us so close we were practically in one another’s arms. She didn’t say anything, and I didn’t either, but it felt like we were daring each other forward, playing a familiar game of chicken that I’d decided I wouldn’t be losing again.
I held my breath as she stepped in again, bringing her close enough now that I had to look down between us to avoid her gaze. As I did, I could see her breasts in the water, and yep, that material was far from opaque.
She cleared her throat, and I was horrified to realise how obvious my ogling had been. So I looked up again, meeting her gaze with mine, all but withering under the intensity of her stare, even as she smiled up at me. There was a moment where it felt like we might kiss, and I wanted to so badly. I regretted not kissing her before, on our first date when we got back from bowling, or on that night five years ago.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again. She was right here in front of me, damn near skinny dipping with me. It was terrifying and intoxicating, and I had never felt more turned on in my life.
Her smile faltered, and I watched her throat as she swallowed hard. Maybe she’d read the intention in my gaze, and she’d been anticipating this as much as I had. I was about to find out, because just like the horoscope had told me, I was in charge of my own pleasure. And if Amy would let me, I’d happily take charge of hers too.
I let my hand drift out in front of me until it found her waist, then slowly pulled her towards me. We were close enough now that the water treated us like one mass, flowing around both of us instead of cutting between us, the heat building quickly without the current to whisk it away. I felt my breathing grow shallower and shallower as her hands drifted to my arms, running over my biceps and through the hair on my chest. I wanted to watch her touch me like that, but I couldn’t take my eyes off hers. The green radiating out from her wide pupils practically glowed in the golden hour light, and her eyes turned down at the corners as she looked questioningly at me. I was about to answer all her questions.
My gaze dropped towards her mouth as I began to lean in, but her light touch suddenly became firm as she pressed her palm to the centre of my chest and pushed me away.
