“There were a lot of moving parts, actually,”Isaid, not able to resist at least a little bit of bragging.Onetiny attempt to show her behind the curtain. “Thisevent hassinglehandedlyhelped grow the business, and we’ve managed to establish some really valuable partnerships from it that mean we’ll be able to diversify our revenue streams and grow our customer base.”Ifanyone walking by had heard me, they would never have thoughtIwas speaking to my mother.Itsounded more likeIwas pitching myself toDafyddChenagain.
And by her response,I’msure no one would have thought she was reacting to her daughter, either.
“I’m sure,” she said coldly. “It’sjust…”
I rolled my eyes, not even bracing myself for what she had to say. “What,Mum?It’sjust what?”
“A bit insignificant, isn’t it?”
I actually bit my tongue holding back my words, not for her benefit but for the purpose of staying professional.Asdetermined as she clearly was to have it out– to get me back for ignoring her–Iwouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
“I mean, if this is what you like doing, why couldn’t you be a consultant?Workfor one of those big firms inLondonor something?Itfeels a bit silly, doesn’t it?Savingthe farm with one big hurrah?”
She laughed, but the sound was hollow.Anddespite how much more self-assuredIfelt thanIhad four months ago, her words still hit exactly where they always did.
“I’m not saving anyone,”Isaid. “Theywould have been fine without me.ButI’mhelping make them stronger, andIlove it.”
“Well, good for you,” she said, reaching out to pat my crossed arm with her hand. “Noteveryone can be so content with so little.Takeit from me.”
I was just about to finally bite back at her– so little?Ihad so much here!I’ddoneso much!– whenIcaught sight ofTeddyat the door, helping an older man inside, andIremembered what she thought of me.How, despite the fact thatIwas directly standing in the way of what she wanted, she couldn’t help but tell me how proud she was of me.Howproud she thoughtIshould be of myself.Shecared so deeply for me; certainly deeper than the woman accosting me now.
I straightened my shoulders and turned to walk away, suddenly not caring, maybe for the first time in my life, about having the last word.
But asIturned,Ibumped straight intoPatricia, flushed and happy from dancing.
“Chloe!” she exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug, the smell of mead– theHoneyRain, ifIwasn’t mistaken– clinging to her. “Thisis absolutely wonderful.Youshould be so proud of yourself.”
“It really is impressive,”Alanadded, whichIknew was high praise from him.Ithrew my arms around him, too, despite his obvious discomfort with the gesture, and he patted my back awkwardly.
“I was actually just looking for you,”Isaid toPatricia. “Thesilent auction closed, and we raised over five thousand pounds for the rewilding trust!”
Patricia’s face lit up. “That’sincredible!Thankyou so much,Chloe.Yourhard work is really paying off for everyone, isn’t it?”
“Five thousand?” my mother interjected from behind me, and we all turned to look at her.Wasshe really still lurking?Wasshe not satisfied? “That’snot much, is it?”
I turned to seePatricialooking at her with the kind of smile that could cut glass. “Well, it’s five thousand pounds more than you’ve ever donated, soI’lltake it as a win.”
The silence that followed was delicious.Iwatched as my mum’s face drooped in embarrassment, then set into a hard line as she absorbed the jab as fuel for her own resentment.Shehuffed a bit, then took a step as if to walk away past me.
“I’m proud of myself, even if you aren’t,”Itold her– quietly, tightly, steadily– as she passed.Shepaused mid-stride but didn’t face me.
“Chloe…”
But she didn’t correct me– didn’t say that shewasproud.Theomission hung in the air between us.
“I’m happy,”Isaid simply. “Reallyhappy.AndIknow you thinkIcould have ‘so much more’ ifIjust cared about the right things.ButIdo care.Icare an awful lot about the right things, and about my people.Andmy life is sweet.Ihave everythingIwant.”
Well, almost everything,Ithought, butIkept that bit to myself.Mumhadn’t earned the right to know anything aboutTeddy.
She looked like she wanted to argue, butPatriciawas still standing there with that protective energy that clearly ruffled my mother’s feathers.
“I should get back to work,”Isaid, deciding to be the one to walk away.Iowed that to myself. “Enjoythe rest of the festival.”
AsImoved towards the warehouse windows,Icaught sight ofTeddyagain, back outside in the pouring rain, moving parking cones and helping direct departing families.Shewas soaked through, doing the grunt work without complaint, making sure everyone got to their cars safely.Isaw her hugAliceandDylanas they left, and then turn away from them, before her face fell in what looked like sadness.Ifelt a pang of guilt knowing she would be leaving in a few short weeks.
This wasTeddy’shome.Notjust the farm, or the job; the rhythm of the seasons, and the deep connection to the land and the work.And, yeah, it was starting to feel like home for me, too.Butit broke my heart that we couldn’t both have what we wanted.
After last night’s misguided hook-up,I’dbeen up all night staring at the ceiling, trying to think of any way that we could both have everything that we wanted.Howwe could both stay, if only so we could figure out if what we had was real.Andnow thatI’dmetDafydd, the spark of an idea formed in my gut.
