“Sure,Jan,”Amysaid in her bestMarshaBradyvoice,Americanaccent and all.
“How pissed wasSimone?”IaskedMorgan, changing the subject so abruptly that she blinked at me for a good few seconds before registering whatI’dasked.
Then she grimaced.
“That bad?”
“Before you finally sent back that form, she came all the way to the design department to ask ifIknew anything.Shewas on the warpath.”
I sighed asIsettled back onto my elbows, folding my ankles in front of me. “Yeah, well, we got there eventually.Ido feel bad, though.”
“If you don’t want the job, why don’t you just quit?”Amyasked.
“BecauseIdon’t know if theGwenynenjob will be permanent,”Iexplained, for what felt like the millionth time. “Andif the autumn rolls around and there’s no job for me there, butI’veburned my bridge with the rescue,Iwon’t have anything.”
“You can come and work for me,”Amysaid, smirking. “Ican get you a masonry apprenticeship.”
“Honestly,”Isaid, holding up one bicep and flexing it, “Teddy’sgot me working hard enough thatIprobably could do it.”
“Of course you could,”Amysaid unironically, squeezing my measly muscle affectionately. “Youcould do anything.”
“But seriously,Ifeel bad about how angrySimonewas,”Isaid, relieved thatI’ddealt with it, but still feeling the tinge of guiltI’dcarried since our conversation.SinceTeddyhad called me out yet again. “Idid leave her in the lurch a bit.”
“It’s okay,”Morgansaid, nudging me with her shoulder. “Weexpect nothing less from our chaos queen.”
I felt myself tense, andMorganfelt it, too, turning suddenly to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Ididn’t mean anything bad.”
“No,Iknow,”Isaid, andIdid know.Shemeant it affectionately.Butit still felt like a barb, probably because there was too much truth to it for my comfort. “Butyou’re not wrong.Itwas a chaotic move, and it was selfish.”
“Yeah, but work is work,”Amysaid. “Imean, not for me; work is family, which makes it a lot more complicated.Butunless you’ve got a job like mine, at the end of the day, it’s just a job.Idon’t think you should lose sleep over it.”
As she said it,Irealised she was right.Iwasn’t losing sleep over whatI’ddone toSimone, even ifIdid feel guilty, because as much asIrespected her and appreciated that she’d stuck her neck out for me, it was, in fact, just a job.AjobIdidn’t much care for.Icared about having let people down, andIwanted my friends to see thatIwasn’t completely oblivious to the impact of my choices, butIdidn’t actually feel bad about the job itself.
ButGwenynenwasn’t just a job to me.Icared about the farm, and what we were trying to do, and about the people.AboutJen, andMaggie, and, yes,Teddy, too.
“That’s the thing,”Isaid. “Ithink this job could be more than just a job for me.AndIdon’t want my chaos gremlin ways to get in the way.”
“It won’t,”Morganassured me. “You’rea bit chaotic, sure, but you’re not a flake.Whenyou care about something, you show up.You’retenacious as hell.”
“Tell me about it,”Amysaid. “RememberwhenJackmoved away all those years ago, and my mum thoughtIwas depressed becauseIdidn’t get into the uni she wanted me to go to?Youcame over every single day whenIgot home untilIadmitted thatIhadn’t actually applied there, and then you told her for me and harboured me at your house until we knew she wasn’t angry anymore.”
Morgan laughed, clearly hearing this story for the first time.Ilaughed, too;Idid remember.She’dbeen so scared ofPatricia, and it was the leastIcould do for my surrogate baby sis.
“God,”Amysaid, looking acrossMorganand me and beyond, “she really is hot, isn’t she.”
I knew before looking that she was talking aboutTeddy, but whenIturned my head and immediately caughtTeddy’sgaze with mine, it actually took my breath away.Hertanned skin was glistening with sweat and spray, her green swimsuit top riding up just enough to show a paler tan line below her breasts.Icouldn’t help but imagine inching the fabric up further, holding myself against her, our breaths syncing as we stood close to one another…
Was it just me, or did she actually bite her lip as she held my gaze?Wasshe picturing the same thingIwas?Rememberingwhat it felt like to touch one another in the heat?Achill ran up my spine, and my back arched involuntarily.
It wasn’t untilIheardMorgantittering next to me thatIrealised how zoned outI’dbeen.Iturned to shush her–IdidnotneedTeddythinking we’d been talking about her– but whenIturned back,IsawJacklever his paddle on the underside ofTeddy’skayak.Igasped as she hit the water, as if the cold were hitting my skin instead of hers.
* * *
On the increasingly raredays whenIgot to work from home,I’dexpected to be the kind of domestic goddess who made every meal from scratch and went on hot-girl walks in the morning, but in practiceIjust solidified my future as a prawn, the wayIhunched over my computer constantly.
I was supposed to be updating the festival website one day, needing to add some new vendors, but insteadIfound myself scrolling back through theGwenynenHollowInstagram, reading the comments on our most recent posts.
