IfIwere going to ask, now was my moment.
“Maybe notsoisolated anymore?”
“What on earth do you mean?”Jenasked, faux bluster in her voice, huffing out an almost-laugh.
I narrowed my eyes in a knowing look. “Comeon,Jen.Isee the way you light up aroundMaggie.She’snot just your farmhand, and you know it.”
She sighed deeply enough to let me knowIwasn’t far off the mark. “It’scomplicated?—”
“Everything’s complicated,”Isaid firmly. “Butif you have a chance at happiness, you should take it.Don’tlet fear keep you from good things.”
The irony of giving that advice given my own feelings wasn’t lost on me, butJendidn’t seem to notice the parallels, going pink as she looked down at the table in front of her.Shewas quiet for a long moment, considering.
“I’m not sure what the right way forward is,” she said finally. “Withany of this.Butwe can figure it out together, can’t we?Likewe always have.”
I nodded, feeling some of the tension in my chest ease. “Yeah.Wecan figure it out.”EvenifIhad to do it from thousands of miles away.
“I love you, kid.”Shebrought a hand to my cheek and rubbed it lightly, andIleaned into her warmth.
“Love you, too.”
I still didn’t know what to do aboutChloe–Ididn’t like the idea of having to watch from a distance as she lived the lifeIwanted.Butwe all wanted the same thing, and for now,Ineeded to let myself trustJen, becauseIwas getting nowhere keeping everyone at arm’s length.Maybeshe was right, andIshould just follow her lead.
And maybe, as painful as it was,Ishould followChloe’s, too, even if everything in me wanted to throw caution to the wind for once in my life.
* * *
That didnothing for all my pent-up energy, though, and the week was far too hot to take out my frustrations in the garden likeIwanted to.Iwould start the day throwing myself into big jobs like mowing the paths to the hives and mending fences, but by half past ten it would be unbearable outside.Ieven absconded toFatima’sone day whenIknewChloewouldn’t be there, enduring being pressed for detailsIdidn’t want to give up in exchange for a bit of cool air.Ididn’t tellFatimawhat had happened betweenChloeand me;IlikedFatima, butIdidn’t know which side she’d come down on if she knew things hadn’t gone well.So,Ikept my embarrassment to myself, regaling her instead with the wedding anticsIcould share.
By the timeD&Drolled around,Chloestill hadn’t come round to the farm at all, andIwas annoyed at how muchImissed her.Ikept finding cool things in the garden thatIwanted to show her, like conjoined heirloom tomatoes that looked decidedly like a pair of tits, orI’dnotice the way the light hit something and want to call her over to take a photo.Itwas weird; the farm had always felt so complete and perfect to me beforeChloehad come along, but now, without her, it felt empty.Hollow, even.
Her birthday was coming up soon, just after the festival, andIstill hadn’t decided what to get her.IknewIwanted to make her something, butIwas already struggling to stay outside long enough to do my farm chores, so it needed to be somethingIcould do inside.
AtFatima’sonThursdaynight, the idea came to me.
Chloe andIhad a particularly intense moment of roleplay, andIcould feel the emotion from the weekend bubbling over into the way she spoke to me.Itwasn’t just the two of us who had grown closer, and it turned outCalamitywas just as terrified of that asChloewas.
In a moment of highest stakes, instead of making a roleplay decision,Chloerolled the dice.Andthe dice landed in my favour.
Okay, fine, my character’s favour.Butstill.
I couldn’t stand the thought of watching her avoid eye contact with me at the pub, soIheaded off straight away, and the whole way homeImarvelled at the similarities in our characters’ situation and our real-life one.Andit infuriated me that we had to roll the dice and hope for a critical success; wait to see how things played out.Thatthe situation we both worked so hard to shape was still desperately out of our control.
BecauseIknew, deep down, thatChloefelt the same as me.Thatif we both knew that our futures atGwenynenwere secured, she’d want to give us a shot.Toroll those dice.Butlife wasn’t a game, the dice weren’t weighted, and things might not work out how we wanted them to.
And that’s whenIknew what to makeChloefor her birthday.Becauseeven if things couldn’t work out between us,Iwould do everythingIcould to help her succeed.
Chapter31
Calamity
TheAdventurersGuildsmelled of worn leather, stale ale, and the particular mustiness that came from decades of unwashed adventurers tracking mud through the same old hallways.Calamityhad always found it oddly comforting.Today, though, her tail twitched with unease as the party climbed the worn stairs toGuildmasterSaudane’soffice, theShadowshardstill hanging aroundNashala’sneck.
The monk moved beside her with that infuriating serenity, her footsteps silent despite the creaking floorboards that announcedCalamity’severy step.
“You’re staring again,”Nashalasaid without turning her head.
“I’m observing,”Calamitycountered. “It’sdifferent.”
