I shake my head, grabbing his hand.
"I just want it to be us." I pull at a loose thread on my lace. "Is that terrible? I love my brother. I just don't want to spend my birthday watching him figure out that we're together in real time. That sounds exhausting."
"It would be exhausting," he agrees. "Okay. New plan." He holds up a finger. "Takeout from that Thai place you like, the one on Eastlake that you make me drive past every time we're in the neighborhood."
"You noticed that?"
"I notice everything about you." He holds up a second finger. "A walk with Gordie, who has been insufferably sulky all day because I didn't take him this morning. And third." He holds up a third finger. "Whatever movie you want. No negotiation, no commentary from me about your taste in cinema, full remote-control privileges."
"That last one might be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me." I lean up and kiss him, soft and slow. When I pull back, his eyes are still closed for a second. "Alex."
"Mm."
"Nobody has ever made me feel this seen. Not once in my whole life. My parents, not Beck, nobody I’ve ever known has ever seen me like you do. You notice things that I don't even notice about myself." I shake my head. "It's the most extraordinary thing."
He opens his eyes and looks at me and his gaze is so intense it makes me suck in a breath. His hand comes up and tucks a piece of hair back from my face.
"I notice everything," he says. "The Thai place on Eastlake. The Thursday bakery. The way your ankle bothers you more on cold mornings and you never say anything about it. The fact that you always pause on the same page of whatever book you're reading before you put it down, like you're trying to memorize the last line." His thumb traces my cheekbone. "I've never cared about anybody the way I care about you. I didn't think I was capable of it, honestly."
Warmth blooms in my chest. I search his face. "What do you mean?"
He's quiet for a second, looking out at the empty ice. "My dad is a selfish man. He takes what he wants and moves on and never loses a night of sleep over it. And I spent most of my adult life assuming I was the same. That it was just in me somewhere, waiting." He’s quiet for a beat. "I used that as a reason to keep everyone at arm's length. Can't become a monster if you don't let anyone close enough to hurt."
"Alex." I cup his face in both hands. "You are the least selfish person I know." He starts to shake his head and I hold on. "I mean it. You make me coffee every morning before I ask. You reinforced my aerial silks anchor without being asked and never mentioned it once. You got Anna Harstroke on a plane because you were paying attention to something I said six weeks ago that I'd already half forgotten." My thumbs brush his cheekbones. "You check on the rookies. You askquestions. Even the new guy, Konstantin? You don’t hate him like other players in your position would." I hold his gaze. "Your father takes. You give. Those are not the same man."
His jaw works. "Mollie."
"It's my birthday," I say. "And my birthday wish is that you accept that and believe it. Just try. You don't have to have it all figured out today. Just…try."
He looks at me for a long moment. Something settles in his expression, slow and careful, like a decision being made.
"Okay," he says. "I'll try."
I kiss him again, longer this time, my hands still on his face. He pulls me closer and kisses me back like he means it. When we finally break apart, he rests his forehead against mine.
"So Thai food," he says. "Gordie. Your terrible movie. In that order."
"Perfect," I tell him.
He takes my hand and we head for the exit. I look back at the ice over my shoulder. It gleams under the arena lights, empty and patient and waiting.
It'll still be there. When I’m ready, it’ll be waiting.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Thorne
The next two weeks are chaotic. My dad texts and insists that I join him and Naomi for dinner. I agree, but only because I can pick the restaurant and bring a date.
By a date, I mean my girlfriend. Taking Mollie out somewhere fancy that she wouldn't go herself is enticing.
What can I say, I like spoiling my girl. Even if no one else in our lives knows that she's mine.
At work, I hit the road for a couple of days, playing Boston, New York, and Philly. The results of the games are mixed at best; two wins and one loss while Coach switches players around on the board. Kuznetsov and I play mostly the same shifts, with slightly more coordination between us as we go along.
Then in the third game, Kuznetsov storms into the locker room, slams his bag down, scowling.
And we go on to lose, because he plays so aggressively that he's slapped with a game misconduct and has to sit the whole thing out. Great.
