She belongs here. That's what I know. That's the thing I've been trying not to know for years.
Now I know it completely, and there's no unknowing it.
The quiet comes back and she traces a tattoo on my ribs the way she always does. I watch the ceiling and think about Beck's face in the corridor. "We should tell your brother," I say.
She goes still. Not tense, just still. “You think?”
"We're solid enough," I say. "It's not going to go away, and he's going to figure it out anyway. I'd rather him hear it from me."
She’s quiet for a minute, her fingers tracing that tattoo.
"My parents are coming to town next week," she says.
"I know."
"It's already going to be a lot." She tilts her head to look up at me. "Can we just wait until after? I don't want to add another thing to manage when I'm already managing them."
I think about Beck's face again. I think about how bad he’s going to feel. Hurt, angry, betrayed. Maybe worse. Not telling him is cowardly, but Mollie is his sister. She should get a say, right?
"Yeah," I say. "Okay."
She settles back against my chest and goes quiet. I lie there in the dark with the guilt sitting on my sternum like a stone. She's warm and soft and her hair smells like something I've come to associate specifically with her. She draws slow patterns on my ribs.
It would be very easy to stop thinking and let this be enough for tonight.
I keep thinking anyway.
My dad met Naomi, figured out who she was, and decided he wanted her anyway. He never asked who got hurt. He never lost sleep over it. He just did what he wanted and called it living his life.
How different am I from my dad by doing this?
Mollie is a good person. She's genuinely good, in the way that's real and not performed, the way that means she'll fight for the things that matter to her and admit when she's wrong and give people more than they deserve. She reminds me of my mom in that way. That's a thought I need to put down immediately because it’s so heavy.
My mom loved my dad and my dad loved my mom in whatever limited way he was capable of, and then he destroyed her anyway. Not on purpose. Not from cruelty. Just from being who he was, from taking what he wanted and not thinking about the cost until the cost had already been paid.
I'm hiding this from Beck. My best friend, my co-captain. I'm sneaking around in hotels, and pretending nothing is happening at camp. I'm doingeverything my dad would do. The only difference is that I feel terrible about it.
But I'm not sure that's actually enough difference. My dad probably felt bad, in his way. He kept coming back to my mom. He stayed after a fashion. That was his version of caring and it destroyed my mother anyway.
The city goes on outside the window. Mollie breathes slowly against my chest. Gordie is back at the houseboat, probably asleep on the couch with Slothra, completely unconcerned with any of this.
Lucky dog.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mollie
Finally! At long last, I’m free on the v-card. And I gave it away to someone really special. Who knew that waiting this long would end up being a good thing?
After the high of my night with Alex, my parents coming into town is a letdown, to say the least. Alex has to spend his Saturday morning at an early skate, followed by a PR photo shoot, and then a sure-to-be exhausting weight training session. So, even if I could somehow invite him to dinner with my family, I wouldn't do that to him. He deserves to rest.
My mom pulls her usual move of asking me to clear my day to spend time with her, then flaking the morning of. I don't even get dressed because that's her pattern.
She means well, but she never quite delivers. Instead, I head to the rink and skate a little bit. Slowly, and with so little finesse it's embarrassing, but hey. Gotta start somewhere.
After a quick shower at the gym, and a nice coffee shop date with Indie, I drive to the restaurant that my parents picked out. It's an expensive one, an upscale place known for its extensive wine list. When I get to the hostess stand, she takes me to the table. "The rest of your party is already seated."
And we’re almost a full bottle of wine into the evening, I see. I walk up to the round table, scanningmy dad, my mom, Beck... and the golden boy himself, Alex Thorne. My mom is currently nearly beside herself with laughter. Only Alex catches my eye, standing.
