“No,” he said immediately. “No, June. Don’t apologize for protecting yourself and your son, okay? Take the time you need. And when you’re ready, we’ll see one another again. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah. Thank you.”
This time, he did reach out, but only long enough to touch her arm, and only with a touch so fleeting that she barely registered it before it was gone again.
“I’m going to go say goodbye to Benjamin and then I’ll bid you both goodnight,” he said.
June nodded and didn’t follow him as he left the room. She could hear his murmured goodbye to her son, which was delivered in an easy, cheerful tone that wouldn’t indicate to Benjamin that anything was amiss. June felt grateful for the moment to collect herself so that, when she walked Levi to the door, she could do so with a straight face.
They were polite with one another as he departed, polite in a way they had never before been with one another. There were no clever quips, no teasing remarks. June appreciated that he was being so understanding about something that she knew she hadn’t explained very well, if only because she didn’t fully understand her feelings herself.
Even so, their distant attitude toward one another sort of broke her heart, just a little.
When Levi was gone, she closed the door and leaned her back against it, pressing her hands to the ache in her chest.
This was the right decision. She knew rationally that this was the right decision. She needed to protect her son, and, yes, protecting her own heart was part of that too.
But knowing and feeling were two different things. And if she knew that it was right, it felt all wrong.
She could only afford to indulge in her hurt feelings for a few moments, though. So she shoved her feelings away, pressing them deep down, and then she went back to her son. Because this was her life.This. Being a good mom, a responsible parent. That was what mattered.
Her bruised heart could never, ever be as important as that… not even if she was all too aware of the traitorous thump in her chest as she tried to think about anything besides Levi.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Eleanor had seen her son at every stage of life. She’d seen him when he was a squalling infant, red-faced and utterly perfect, dependent on others for every need. She’d seen him as a mischievous child who had found every preexisting way to get into trouble and invented a few more besides. He’d actually been relatively good-humored, as far as teenagers went, but he’d had his moments… and Eleanor had been there for those too.
Therefore, it was extremely silly that she was so nervous about his arrival. But she was. She had to admit, as she fussed over the line of books in the science fiction section, that she was both nervousandextremely silly.
Jeremy was a college student, not to mention her son. He wasn’t going to judge her for having a few specks of dust on her high shelves… dust motes that weren’t there, obviously, since she’d wiped up there.
Twice.
Except, as she moved over to the self-help section and saw titles likeOvercoming DenialandTransferring Emotions, she had to admit that her stress over making certain that the bookstore was really in order was actually about Jeremy and Garrett meeting for the first time.
She checked her phone for what had to be the thirtieth time in the past hour, but found no further updates from Jeremy. She’d heard from him early that morning to tell her that his flight was delayed by a few hours, and then again confirming that they had actually taken off. But after that, nothing.
And sheknewthat he was an adult, that he lived on his own, traveled on his own. She knew that he could get from place to place without her interference.
But just because her kid was grown up didn’t mean that she suddenly lost her protective mom instincts. So, between that and the ‘meet the boyfriend’ situation, she was, in a word, a total wreck.
She was, indeed, so much of a wreck that when the door to the shop opened, she practically jumped out of her skin, never mind that this was a public business and people coming inside was kind of the whole point.
This time, however, it wasn’t a customer coming through the door; it was Garrett.
“Hey, honey,” he said, a warm smile curling from behind his beard as he crossed the store to kiss her on the cheek. He glanced down at the dust rag in her hand and raised an eyebrow. “Is this normal cleaning or stress cleaning?”
She hid the rag behind her back.
“I plead the fifth,” she told him.
He chuckled, then used his longer reach to snatch the rag from behind her, then tucked it in the basket where she kept all her cleaning equipment.
“Listen,” he said, wrapping a soothing arm around her shoulder. “It’s going to be good. You are going to have a wonderful time with your son. So these nerves… this is not the energy you want to bring to the table.” He rubbed a reassuring hand on her side. “Get excited! This is going to be a great time!”
Eleanor leaned her head on his shoulder, soaking in his solidness and warmth.
“You know you’re acting nuts when the town grump is the one telling you to lighten up,” she teased.
