Occasionally she'd ask a question, but mostly she listened. When I'd finally finished, she let out a long breath.
“That was a lot,” she said.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don't be sorry,” she exclaimed and I could picture her adorable frown. She always thought she looked fierce, but mostly she looked like an angry puppy. “I was ecstatic when you moved out here, but I also felt guilty that we didn't see each other much. Having you call me like this reminds me of the good old days.”
“Except no giant platter of cheesy fries right now,” I said.
“We could fix that,” Mila said. “I could pick some up on the way over.”
As much as seeing my friend sounded great, I was already interrupting her evening with this phone call.
“Can we do that another night?” I asked.
“Any night you want,” she promised. “Now let’s get back to the two reasons you called.”
“Marduk and Danzig,” I said.
“Marduk and Danzig,” she repeated.
“You’re in one of these magical relationships,” I said. “Tell me what it's like.”
“You jumped right in with a hard question," she said with a laugh.
“If that's too personal you can tell me to fuck off,” I said.
“Never,” she said. “But it's nothing I can explain easily. I felt a pull to both of them right away, but I tried to ignore it. They were both so handsome and obviously in love that I couldn't imagine they would be interested in me, other than feeling sorry for me because of all the stupid choices I'd made.”
“They weren't stupid,” I said. “You went after what you wanted. It didn't go exactly as planned, but I'm still so damn proud of you for leaving South Dakota. You're the reason I got to leave. Your bravery helped me to be courageous."
She was quiet for a moment and I heard her sniff. “I never thought of myself like that.”
“Well, you are,” I said. “Bravest person I know. I'll be forever thankful that you basically led me out here.”
“And I’m the reason you're mixed up with Danzig and Marduk,” she said. “Let me try to answer your mate question. It was very different before we exchanged souls and after.”
“What's the after like?” I asked.
“Intimate,” she said, her voice going soft and fond. “I can feel them all the time. Even when we aren't focusing on each other, it’s like they're murmuring in the back of my head. You'd think it would be annoying, but it's not. It's comforting. I think I'd panic if they weren't in my head.”
“You don't feel, I don’t know, limited?” I asked. “Don't Gio and Carter control what you can do or where you can go?”
“A little bit, but not in the way you think,” she said. “It's more like we need to coordinate schedules because none of us are comfortable being alone. They don't say no or refuse to let me do things. If anything, they work hard to accommodate everything I want to do. Sometimes I feel a little guilty because they’ve made me the center of their world.”
Her words helped me see my situation more clearly. Marduk and Danzig might have invaded my privacy and acted badly, but they'd done the exact same thing; made me the center of their world.
If I asked them, I bet I'd find out that one of them watched the condo all night, every night. That couldn't be fun or comfortable, but they did it not because they wanted to keep me trapped, but because they worried about me.
It was hard to reconcile the feeling of being cornered with the way they wanted to protect me. After what I'd seen today I understood that so much better.
“I can hear you thinking over the phone,” Mila said.
“Sorry,” I said. “It's a lot.”
“I know,” Mila said.
“Any advice?”
