ME: Or maybe it was never fake?
ME: I genuinely don’t know when it changed
SAGE: OH MY GOSH
SAGE: I KNEW IT
SAGE: I told you he was looking at you weird that night at your apartment
ME: He’s still hiding something though
ME: Something big
SAGE: Define big
SAGE: Like “secret wife” big or “witness protection” big
I stare at my phone. How do I even begin to explain?
ME: Bigger
SAGE: ...
SAGE: Poppy
SAGE: How big are we talking
ME: Remember when I said he talks like he’s from a different century
SAGE: Yes
ME: And how he never eats
SAGE: Yes
ME: And how his skin is always cold
SAGE: Poppy
SAGE: Are you about to say what I think you’re about to say
ME: I’m not saying anything
ME: I’m just... noticing patterns
SAGE: Patterns that suggest your fake boyfriend might be something like a VAMPIRE or maybe something else UNDEAD?
Seeing it written out like that makes it sound insane. Which it is. It’s insane.
ME: When you say it like that it sounds crazy
SAGE: IT IS CRAZY
SAGE: Well, he didn’t burst out in flames
ME: That was something created by the film Nosferatu
ME: Dracula was only weakened by sunlight
