?Friday becomes Saturday, and then Saturday becomes Sunday. Sunday morning becomes Sunday night. Then midnight rings from the old clock tower and still, I haven’t moved an inch.
?My room stinks of rotten fruit and decaying flowers as the sun begins rising. Monday, the twenty-second of March, five thousand twenty-three of the world, Miy. Five thousand and twenty-two years, four months, and one day since the creation of the Willow of Lore. Six months and three weeks since the death of the Willow of Lore.
?I have my first exam today. Two hours to go. The presentation of the War of Gods.
?They can present without you.
?I never even wanted to come to this fucking school. So what if I fail. How much worse could being locked in cell for the rest of my life be? However long my life will be.
?There’s a soft knock on my door. My soul pulls first with a sharp tug. Only with him does my soul try its best to get to him.
?“Mavyn?” he calls quietly. His voice soft and gentle. Exhausted. “Mavyn, it’s not your fault.”
?Lies. It’s always my fault.
?“I – I’m sorry.”
?I squeeze my eyes shut as pressure builds behind them. I move, for the first time in nearly a week. Rolling onto my stomach as I dig all five of my nails on my right hand over my heart.
?“I just want to see you. Please.”
?My thighs itch from where my menstrual blood had caked and dried. Pulling at my skin as I shift and my scars rubbings against my clothes for some reason ache worse than they usually do. Stiff muscles burn from not being used for six days and I whimper but I don’t deserve to.
?Where’s that sun devil when I finally need him. When I deserve even the torture he gives me.
?Girls say they’d never wish rape on even their worst enemy, but I never believed that. No, because right now if I was watching in another body I would not feel sorry for me. I would not feel remorse. I deserve every horrible, cruel, awful thing that has happened. And that sun devil did not hold back when I was taken back to the sun death realm after I had been with Thorne.
?“Mavyn.”
?He will kill me. I know it. If I open that door right now I will not be hiding and his true form will see my soul and he will know what I am and he will kill me.
?No matter what, the universes require balance.
?Pushing off the bed, I crawl over to the door and rest my forehead against it. Placing my palm there and wanting so badly to tell him that it is not his fault. That he does not have to apologize for anything. That I should have been gone a long time ago.
?“I know you slowed my blood flow to keep me from dying when I should have. I know you told Varian to tell Thorne to get me. Just let me in.”
?I can’t.
?He stays there for twenty more minutes before leaving. I still wait another hour before getting up to get ready. There’s no one left in the dorm so I don’t bother hiding myself as I go to the showers. I scrub my body until my skin is red and raw and I scratch and pull my hair until my head it numb.
?Then I get dressed in casual jeans and a white sweater to make me look professional enough for the presentation. It’s a group project and I’ve done enough in ruining other lives, I don’t need to ruin my classmates grades too.
?I slide my feet into flats and then sit and wait until I need to leave. Hunger gnaws at my stomach but starving is another punishment to myself. It’s not like I’ll go into bloodlust anytime in the near future from it.
?There’s no one in sight as I leave and start heading for Varian’s classroom. Only certain groups are presenting today, and all those groups need to meet in his classroom before we figure out who goes first. Then we’ll be doing our presentation in the witch’s observatory near the cafeteria. Where not only the Mage Board will be present, but any students who don’t have exams and wish to watch.
?Thick dark clouds hang overhead and I know they’ll stay for the rest of the week. The spring equinox is next Monday, the beginning of the new year and the first day of our break, but the weather has yet to turn. Even though there’s no longer snow lining the grounds, it’s still cold.
?A stiff wind blows right as I enter the main building and start walking towards where the classroom is. Turning the last corner, I can see the door open at the end of the hall.
?Numb. That’s how I feel as I walk down the rest of the hallway and enter the classroom. Percius is sitting at Varian’s desk and he’s glaring with a palpable rage settled around him as I turn and look for my group. The five of them standing at my and Jullia’s desk. Including Callahan who looks. . . he looks. . .
?I’m going to show him. I’ve decided. I will let his true form balance out the universes. I will let him kill me because then he will be free.
?I wish for –
?“Ms. Tsukkenai,” the voice of my nightmares says. The voice of a kind devil. “We are all quite excited to hear your group’s presentation on the War of Gods. Apologizes for my rushing, but may I ask that your group goes first?”
