He turned and slunk down the steps, disappearing toward the south and his trailer in the back of the park, and before he was out of earshot, my hand found the lamp on the end table and hurled it against the wall.
The base shattered, shade crumpling, and the bulb popped in a burst of glass that scattered across the floor. Then the dirty plates left on the peninsula that divided the living room from the kitchen. My arm swept across the counter and sent three of them flying off the edge, crashing onto the linoleum in a spray of ceramic shards that crunched under my boots as I stomped to the fridge and yanked it open to get a beer.
Sara had my child and raised him alone for three years and never told me. My son had been sleeping in that house every night while I snuck around with her after dark, stealing kisses.
It couldn't be true. Lightning was a liar and a manipulator and this was exactly the kind of poison he'd use to drive a wedge between me and Sara.
But the dark hair and the blue eyes and the age and the fear on her face every time the conversation got too close to the truth—all of it lined up in a column that my denial couldn't knock down.
And the only way to know for sure was to confront her about it.
25
SARA
Danny was at the stove making pancakes when I came into the kitchen with my jacket over my arm. Kip sat in his booster seat banging a plastic fork on the tray, and I leaned down and kissed his head and wiped a smear of syrup off his cheek.
"Can you watch Kip for a few hours?" I asked Danny. "I need to go see Mom at the hospital." I hadn't been avoiding the hospital, but every time I visited there it got harder to cope with the growing sense that Dad wasn’t coming back to us.
"Yeah." He flipped a pancake and glanced at me over his shoulder. "Is it smart for you to be out alone with that neanderthal riding around threatening you?"
"He won't bother me, Danny." I wasn't sure if he meant Tony and the threats or if he was referring to Garret. I knew Andy and Danny told each other everything.
He turned the heat down on the griddle before he set the spatula down and turned to face me. "Sara, is it true? What Tony said… Is Garret really Kip's father?"
Kip was humming to himself and mashing a piece of pancake between his fingers. My eyes stayed on him for a long moment before I looked at Danny. There was no point in denying it now. I knew when I chose to keep this secret that it would eventually come out. It was time to start facing the music, which was what I planned to do when I spoke with Mom.
"Yes," I said. "He is." Shame tried to creep in but I forced myself to look him right in the eye. If I let this continue to keep me cowering, what would that teach my own son about himself as he grew? Garret was an amazing man, not someone to be ashamed of.
Danny's jaw clenched and the flush crept up his neck. Before he could start I held up my hand.
"It was a stupid fling—I was rebelling or something. But I know we can't ever be together…" My lip quivered as I continued. "That's why he doesn't know, and I need you to keep this to yourself. Promise me."
He exhaled hard through his nose and looked at Kip. "I don’t like it, Sara. Mom's gonna be so mad."
"I know," I muttered, then I slunk out of the house to my car. I carried the weight of that guilt and fear over Mom's reaction all the way to the hospital.
When I made my way into Dad's room, Mom was seated by his side, as she had been every time I visited, but today her eyes were filled with tears. She looked up at me and smiled sadly, then back at Dad's face. His eyes were more sunken than before, dark circles ringing them under pale skin that showed how much weight he'd lost just lying there.
"Everything okay?" I asked as I walked up and stood behind her, resting my hand on her shoulder.
"The doctor says we might need to talk about letting him go," Mom said sadly, sniffling. "He's not going to wake up, Sara. We may have to make the decision this week."
She reached up and covered my hand with hers as my shoulders sank. I didn't know what to say to make this better. There really was nothing to say. The priest had been in to read Dad his last rights, or so Andrew had told me the other night after coming home in a bad mood from a visit. We all sort of knew this was how it would go. It didn't make accepting that truth any easier though.
I pulled a chair up to sit with her because the reason I came to see her was only partially about Dad. I had hidden behind my fear long enough, and it was time for me to speak up. My father taught me that doing the right thing was more important than being comfortable, and that someday I'd be tasked with proving my character. I pretended I could hide from this for so long I felt ashamed of myself, and I didn't want to feel that shame anymore. Not even if it meant leaving my family for good.
"Mom, I need to tell you some things." My chair scraped the floor as I pulled it closer to hers. "And I need you to let me get through all of it before you react."
She turned to me with red-rimmed eyes and waited.
"Crank is Kip's father."
Mom's eyes narrowed in confusion as she studied me. It looked like she wanted to say something but I didn't let her.
"We were together four years ago," I continued before she could interrupt. "We were seeing each other for months, sneaking around because we both knew Dad would never allow it. I, uh…" I swallowed back some emotion as tears threatened to spill. "I didn't know until I was already in St. Louis, and by then it was just easier to hide who the father was."
"Oh, Sara," she said sadly. I couldn't tell if it was disappointment or weariness. This was more bad news on top of bad news. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and I could see her trying to hold steady even though her chin was trembling. "Baby, I?—"
