I mounted my bike, revving until the engine roared, and the bike lurched as I accelerated so quickly the front wheel lifted off thepavement. I had never been more angry in my life, and I knew if I didn't leave her sight immediately, I'd hurt her worse than she ever hurt me.
27
SARA
My palms were sweaty and I couldn't stop crying no matter how many times I dried my eyes. The backroads between the hospital and home were narrow and I was driving too fast, but every second between me and Kip felt terrifying and my foot wouldn't lift off the gas.
Garret knew about Kip, and the fury on his face when he'd demanded answers was something I'd never forget. My brain went to dark places—Garret showing up at the house and taking Kip or telling the whole club. Tony using it to follow through on every threat he'd ever made. None of it was rational, but rational thinking was difficult when fear was in the driver's seat.
He was so hurt, so angry I thought for a second he might actually hurt me. I knew he'd be upset but I didn't think Garret could ever be pushed that far and I was wrong. Tony had to have been the one to tell him, because there was no way Danny or Andy would've done that. They knew how the club worked and how bad this would blow up. I had to get home to my son before something awful happened.
When the trailer park came up on my left my eyes swept the lot without slowing my car. Garret's bike wasn't there, the spot near his trailer empty and the windows dark. It made my pulse tick up and my speed crept up too. If he wasn't at home he could've been anywhere, so I swung past the bar and the shop and his bike wasn't either place.
I raced toward home fearing the worst, but when my house came into view there was no trace of any bikes in the drive and the shop doors were closed. I drove in a little too fast, and my hands were still shaking when I killed the engine and pulled the keys out, not bothering to dry my face as I rushed into the house to get to Kip.
But inside, the living room was too quiet. Danny, Andy, and Tiffany were sitting around the kitchen table talking quietly, and when they looked up at me I knew something had happened. Panic drove a knife through my heart as I stumbled toward them.
"Where's Kip?" I asked frantically, ready to charge back out the door to chase after him if Garret had come and taken him, but Tiffany lurched to her feet and reached for me.
"Napping," Tiffany said. "He went down about twenty minutes ago." She wrapped her arms around me and held me as I stiffened, confused at her response.
"What's going on? Did Garret show up?" I pushed her away but her eyes were filled with tears then and she looked at my brothers.
"Sit down, Sara." Andy pulled the chair out beside him, patted the cushion and frowned at me. I was ready for him to snap atme or tell me what a disgrace I was to this family but his head hung like he couldn't muster the energy.
"Will someone please tell me what's going on? Did Tony come here? What happened?" The anxiety I felt the entire drive home hadn’t diminished one bit though my best friend told me my son was safe. I looked at each of their faces and started to slowly piece together what was happening as Danny started to speak.
"Mom called about ten minutes ago," Danny said. His elbows were on the table and his hands were folded together and he was slouching hard. He took Tiffany's hand as she sat back down, reaching for a paper towel from the counter behind her. She tore one off for herself, then handed one to me.
"Called about what?" I took the paper towel and wiped my eyes, but I wasn't ready for what they had to say.
"Dad, uh… He died, Sara," Andy said quietly, staring at his hands. "Just after you left his room, she said. Mom was with him."
My brain stalled. The words were right there in front of me but they wouldn't land, because I'd been sitting in that room less than forty minutes ago talking with Mom. We cried together and when I left I kissed his forehead and told him I loved him. I just saw him…
"Sara." Danny's hand covered mine on my knee. "You hear me?"
"I was there," I whispered. "I was sitting right there with him."
"We know. Mom told us you just left." Andy cleared his throat, but I could hear the emotion in his voice. "Danny and I are heading to the hospital to pick Mom up. She's gonna need all of us tonight."
My head dropped, chin to my chest, and it felt like everything I'd been carrying came crashing down on me, so heavy I could barely breathe. This wasn't fair. This shouldn't have been how life was for me or for my family at all. Kip would never know his grandfather, and I'd been so busy running around with Garret and living in fear, I'd missed parts of my father's life I'd never get back. He was gone.
"Can you get the diner closed up?" Andy said as he stood up, grabbing his keys. "Just put a sign in the window it'll be down for a few days. We'll help mom with the official announcement tomorrow."
My eyes tracked up to his and I noticed him crying now too, as Danny's hand fell on my shoulder. He squeezed gently then left the room, and Tiffany stood to follow him away. "Andy, I…" It felt like this was all my fault somehow, that I'd driven Dad to be so lonely or stressed out that this happened, or that if I had been working in that shop when he collapsed he'd have gotten immediate care instead of waiting eight hours.
"It's okay, Sara," he said softly, "we all blame ourselves a little. Don't go there." He had this canny ability to read my thoughts at times. It made us a good team on the track, and today I found it comforting, but it didn't stop the grief from consuming me.
I waited until they left and then I stood. My feet took me down the hall to Kip's room where he was curled on his side with his thumb near his mouth and his dark hair spread across the pillow. My body folded onto the mattress beside him and my arm wrapped around his small frame, pulling him close without waking him. His breathing was soft and steady against my chest. His fingers curled around the hem of my shirt in his sleep.
Everything was so loud inside my head. Dad was gone. Garret hated me. Tony was still out there circling my family. And the one thing I'd wanted more than anything—a life with the man who had offered me everything finally—was gone too. Garret's face when he'd found out about Kip had confirmed every fear I'd carried for three years. The truth hadn't brought us closer. It had blown apart the only path back to him.
Tears slid off my cheeks into Kip's hair and I pressed my lips against the top of his head. He was completely unaware that his mother was falling apart or that his father even existed. And I was too emotionally overwhelmed to do anything about it.
All I could do was lie there and cry and wish my dad was here to tell me what to do.
28
