“Tonight,” she continued, and she looked at me then with those warm hazel eyes that were too honest for her own good, “is the first time in months I haven’t felt like I was about to disappear.”
The space between us had contracted at some point without my tracking it precisely. She was near enough that I could see the exhaustion in the fine lines around her eyes, the last traces of glitter on her collarbone, the fading mark on her wrist.
I should have moved back when it became clear what was happening, when she looked at me with intention, fear and want. Anyway, I didn’t.
“You should know what you’re deciding,” I said, my voice coming out measured.
“I know.”
“You’re exhausted. And frightened. What you feel right now—”
“I know what I feel,” she cut in, her tone carrying a quiet certainty.
She held my gaze without flinching, and that was the thing about her that threatened to undo the last of my discipline—not her beauty, though she was beautiful in a way she seemed entirely unaware of, soft and dark-haired and more voluptuous than the thinness Vegas preferred. What undid me was her steadiness. Even frightened, even running on empty, she looked at the world straight.
“But, um, I’ve never—” She stopped. Then she added, “I haven’t. Before. With anyone.”
The revelation heated my chest with many things, the chief of which was possessiveness
“I mean, I know it’s probably hard to believe because I—”
My lips covered hers, ending her rambling. She kissed me back without missing a beat, her recent awkwardness giving way to fervor. Her lips were soft. So soft that I was already averse to the idea of stopping.
I’m crossing this line, no two ways about it.
I slid my hands around her body as I pulled her from the chair, my lips finding the skin between her shoulder and her neck. Icaught a whiff of something sweet as she melted in my arms while I nibbled on the particular spot that made her breath hitch. Her fingers tangled in my hair and my zero tolerance for disheveled hair was the last thing on my mind as I moved towards the large bed with her in my arms.
We were landing at the center of the bed in a minute, her lips capturing mine in a heated kiss. Her quick hands assisted me as in undressing her, giving me a sense of the urgency she was feeling. So, suppressing the new wave of hunger that the sight of her naked skin awoke in me, I gently held her hands down on both sides of her body.
“No rush,” I uttered, my voice low.
She stared at me for a while, her breath slowing, before she blinked.
“It’s about pleasure. No pressure,” I went on.
She nodded in response and my lips landed on hers. My clothes soon joined hers on the floor beside the bed, leaving me in my black briefs. I came back to kneel between her legs, parting them even wider. My eyes remained on hers as I slid my fingers down her inner thighs and across the core. She sucked in a breath and bit her lower lip. I didn’t look away from her eyes as I slid a finger into her tight core.
She let out a low, shaky cry as I slid all the way in. I relished the feel of her soft flesh around my middle finger for a second before I started moving inside her. Her breathing became more rapid as I increased my pace.
“I…I think I…I’m…” she sputtered amid labored breaths.
“I know, baby girl,” I told her. “Let go.”
She climaxed with a shaky cry, her curvy body quivering as I fingered her down from her high. As soon as I pulled my finger out of her, she tugged at my shoulders, pulling me down to shower me with kisses.
If I wasn’t painfully hard, I might have laughed at what our scenario looked like. She seemed to be the one hungry for intimacy meanwhile I was holding on to my restraint and control because it was her first time. Or maybe just because it washer,which totally made no sense since I didn’t know of her existence until some hours ago. All I knew was that, even before that moment of intimacy, there was this strange need to be less cold towards her.
When I lined myself at her moist entrance, I told her, “If you want me to stop at any—”
“Don’t make me wait,” she chipped in.
No other words were exchanged as I entered her and gradually increased my speed as her moans and glittery eyes tantalized my senses.
I was deliberate. That much I could give myself. I did not let the night become anything other than careful and unhurried, because there was no version of that moment in which I was willing to let her feel what she had spent the night escaping. She had been handled roughly by the world and by the men in it, and I refused—in whatever small way still mattered—to be another entry on that list.
It was not selfless. But it was, at least, considered.
I felt her clench around my length and I knew she was about to come before she tried to tell me in spite of moans and gasps. I continued to power into her as her body bucked off the bed in ecstasy. I didn’t stop as her shivering body fell limp back onto the bed and I felt myself start chasing my own high. I kept thrusting as she started tightening around me again. And then, she fell apart as I spurted hotly, the pleasure taking over me.
