And myeyesburn as I lean over him, draping my body across his.
“She’ll tell her friends shestillknows me. She’ll brag,” I say firmly, my voice thick. “If you think I’m walking out on you guys and ghosting after all this, think again.”
He smiles, refusing to read deeper into those loaded words.
The palm of his hand flattens against the small of my back as he kisses me ferociously. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to.
The seeds are planted.
Whatever I want, whateverIthink might be worth exploring, he doesn’t feel the same way.
The irrational, dreamy part of me that’s open to an impossible love rages.
I hate that he’s given up so easily when I’m asking him without asking to just keep an open mind.
But he doesn’t see a future.
He just sees a happy now we keep slipping into. A fling with a young woman who could change her mind tomorrow.
And how could I ever blame him?
He has akid.He has aging parents.
In the end, Holden’s resistance to wild fantasies is just the bitter truth.
We’re living two different seasons. A decade-plus age gap might not be a problem in twenty years, in ten, but right now, it’s the void between stars.
I close my eyes, turning away and hiding the disappointment as I rest my face on his chest.
My hands are shaking, so I press them against his cheeks, holding him close.
“Cleo,” he whispers.
“I mean it. You can hate me all you want, I’m not going anywhere,” I say, but the conviction fades from my voice.
“I could never hate you.”
Ugh! Why isn’t that enough?
Because I want stupid, pretty promises.
Like somehow, we’ll agree to justtryafter the egg is gone. Somehow, we can be a happy family and this little bubble we’re living in can float us off to dreamland.
I want to promise him a future I’m not sure of.
I want to promise if he never gives up on me, I’ll prove him wrong about what’s possible.
But I don’t dare say more. I’m not sure what’s true anymore.
Even with Holden right here, tucked safely in his arms, it feels like he’s drifting away.
His hand skims down my side until he finds my hip.
I tilt my head up and kiss him hard, biting his bottom lip, digging my nails into his skin with a desperation that scares me.
Please don’t treat me like I’m fragile, I plead silently.Don’t think I’m so breakable.
But the truth is I am.
