Yes.
She drew in a deep breath, keeping her tears at bay and trying to lock down her emotions. But it was impossible with everything rushing to the surface. She was hanging on by a thread. There was no reason to hold anything back at this point. It wouldn’t change how Cross or the club saw her, but maybe they’d understand some of her gratefulness. And with that came full disclosure.
“I didn’t think much about my heart transplant the year leading up to it. I can’t tell you how many doctors, surgeons,and even therapists I saw and spoke with. I knew so much about the surgery and every detail, I could’ve assisted in it. IthoughtI knew exactly what to expect.” She sucked in a breath. “But I didn’t. Because in the end, everything was a hypothetical.Ifa heart becomes available.IfI’m a match. It was just one bigif.It wasn’t real.” Until it was. Her eyes welled, and she glanced up. She could’ve wrapped up this story with a pretty bow. But if he wanted her to prove who she was, then she’d give him everything. Even the ugly part. “You’ll probably hate me even more for saying this, but I hadn’t even considered the donor. Because there was no person with a heart who had died and was a match.” She sniffled. “Until I was an hour away from surgery and that hypothetical donor had become a real person. Someone who had to die in order for me to live.”
A tear streamed down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. This was not what she’d expected or wanted from this conversation. It brought her back to a time when guilt ruled her world, and her life was no longer about her.
Addison gripped the arms of her chair. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe Cleo is seeing me all wrong, and I’m not a good person.” Addison drew in a breath. “But not a day goes by that I don’t remember I’m here because Knox isn’t.”
There was nothing left to say. She stood and tucked in her chair, refusing to look at him. The hairs stood up on the back of her neck. Cross was watching her. The last thing she wanted was to spend any more time in his presence. If he wasn’t going to leave, she would. She still had a few hours on her shift, but she’d take another break, and hide in the bathroom for a bit.
I need a minute.
Addison walked through the curtain, ignoring Barry.
“Where the hell are you going?”
She walked past the desk, not even acknowledging the girl sitting behind it. Once inside she made a hard right, almost slamming into Ava.
“Jeez, girl. This is becoming a habit with you. Gotta get you some collision insurance.” Her smile faltered as she scanned Addison’s face and stepped closer. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not.
Addison forced a smile and inhaled a breath. “I need to use the bathroom.”
Ava knitted her brows, and slowly stepped to the side. “Yeah, sure.”
Addison lengthened her steps and turned down the hallway, walking to the end. She didn’t bother going into the bathroom. She leaned her back against the wall and closed her eyes.
Just breathe.
****
Cross finished his beer and ordered another. It wasn’t uncommon for him to have a few while at the bar, but it also hadn’t been part of his plan. He’d intended on talking with Addison and heading back to the clubhouse. He wasn’t sure what he wanted or expected from her. But he was unprepared for what he got. Now he was on his second drink he didn’t even want and waiting for her to emerge from the strip club. She’d been gone for fifteen minutes, but he wasn’t leaving until he saw her again. He had this unexplainable need to make sure she was okay.
“Why the fuck am I paying her if she ain’t even behind the bar?” Barry headed to the back in search of her. It was Cross who stopped him.
“She’ll be back when she’s fucking ready!”
Barry knew better than to argue with any member, especially Cross.
He cupped his mouth, sliding his fingers over his mustache, staring at the curtains. If he had to guess, Addison shared more than she’d wanted. His questions had led to opening a wound that ran deep. He could relate, and for the first time since she showed up, he found common ground with her. But it came at a cost.
Cross stretched his arms, debating his next move. If she wasn’t going to come out, then he’d find her. This wasn’t over. He stood and walked through the black curtains leading into the strip club. It wasn’t busy, and she should’ve been easy to find. He scanned the room, but she was nowhere in sight. He glanced over to the hallway for the bathrooms.
“Need a table?”
He looked to his right. Ava was standing a few feet away. She waved her hand and smirked. “We’ve got plenty available.”
“Looking for the blonde who came in here a few minutes ago.” He gestured to the curtains.
She glanced up at the ceiling then across the room. “Only blondes I’ve seen have been on stage.”
Bullshit.Cross narrowed his gaze and he was seconds from demanding to know where Addison went, though he suspected the bathroom.
“Well, this is perfect timing. I was coming to look for you, Cross.”
He jerked his head to see Mandee, one of the dancers heading his way. Why the hell was she looking for him?
