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‘Everything you said and did told me so. You didn’t want help with your zip...’
‘Because I was nervous and you seemed so cold—’
‘And when I did help you, you shuddered—’
‘With desire, not disgust. When you touched me... Alex, I wanted you to touch me more. I was desperate for it, but you stopped.’ Milly tilted her chin, colour flaming her face. ‘What is it going to take to make you believe me, Alex? Do you think this is easy? How much do I have to humiliate myself?’
‘The humiliation was mine—’
‘No. I desired you.’ Her voice trembled. ‘You’re the one who—who seemed not to want me.’
His mouth fell open as he stared at her, utterly shocked by this admission. ‘I think I gave evidence of my feelings, Milly,’ he said evenly.
‘You mean because you could—you could complete the act?’ She shrugged scornfully, her chin tilted at a haughty angle, her face the colour of a tomato. ‘Most men can do that, as far as I can tell. It doesn’t...it doesn’t actually mean anything.’
Alex turned away abruptly, rubbing his hands over his face. Was it possible that he’d got this so terribly wrong? Had he let his own fears and weaknesses distort his perception that much?
‘Why do you think I wouldn’t desire you?’ he asked finally, his voice low, his back still to her. Milly didn’t respond for a long moment, and when she did her voice was small, suffocated.
‘Because...because I’m plain. I know that. I’m a...a little mouse.’
‘A little mouse?’ He whirled around, furious on her behalf. ‘Did someone say that to you once?’
‘Yes—a man. Philippe.’ Her throat worked convulsively as she swallowed. ‘I thought I loved him, but it was just a mirage. A fantasy.’
Jealousy boiled through him, surprising him with its force. ‘And what happened?’
‘He didn’t feel the same way. Well.’ She let out a sad little laugh, her shoulders hunched as her gaze slid away. ‘The truth is, he was a cruel and dishonest man. Charming, but it was nothing more than a veneer, and, after living with my mother, I thought I would recognise that, but I didn’t. I fell for his lines.’
Alex’s fists clenched. He hated this man already. ‘What happened between you?’
‘Nothing, really.’ Her lips trembled as she tried to smile. ‘I made a fool of myself, basically, following him around, listening to his lies. He told me he’d fallen in love with me, but then I...’ She paused, swallowing hard, and he realised how difficult this was for her.
He was both humbled and shamed to realise she had her own painful memories, her own insecurities. Of course she did. How could he have been so selfish, so arrogant, as to think he was the only one?
‘You don’t have to tell me, Milly.’
‘No, I want to.’ Her chin lifted another notch. ‘Because then maybe you’ll understand where I’m coming from, for once.’ Ouch. He waited while she fought for her composure to continue. ‘He was one of my mother’s cronies, from when she lived in Paris. The circuit of impoverished aristocrats and D-list celebrities. Really, a stellar group.’
‘How did you meet him?’
‘He sought me out, because he knew my mother. That should have sent the warning bells ringing, but he seemed so sincere, and I wanted to believe him. No one had ever shown that kind of interest in me before.’
‘No one—’
‘I’m plain, Alex. I know that.’
‘You’re not—’
‘Anyway.’ She shook her head, refusing to believe him, just as he’d refused to believe her. ‘We started dating. He told me he loved me. He...’ Her voice faltered. ‘He wanted us to spend the night together, at a hotel. All very romantic, but I was hesitant. It felt too fast.’
‘Tell me,’ Alex said in a low, deadly voice, ‘that he didn’t hurt you.’
‘No, not like that. Just my feelings. We were at a party and I’d gone to the ladies’. I wasn’t very comfortable there—it was his crowd, not mine. Anyway, as I came back I overheard him talking to his friends.’ She bit her lip, sinking her teeth into it just as she had on their wedding night, her face shadowed with remembered pain. ‘They were joking, taking bets as to when he would—when he would deflower me. I stood there, hardly able to believe it, and then he joked about how he’d have to grin and bear it, because he found me so...’ She stopped, and Alex took a step towards her.
‘Milly, don’t. The man sounds like an utter bastard.’
‘Well, I’m sure you can imagine what he said. And then one of his friends saw me, and nudged him, and he turned around and laughed in my face. He didn’t even try to deny it. He told me he’d been given a dare, to seduce the plainest girl he could find. That’s when he said it—“Do you honestly think I could fall for a little mouse like you?”’ She bowed her head. ‘Look, I know he was a jerk. I realise in that moment he was trying to save face in front of his friends. I know his words aren’t some gospel truth. I’m... I’m over that.’
