Confronting his cousin once they returned to Netherfield Park, he stated, “You do know that if you cannot return in time, Miss Elizabeth will not be able to stand up with anyone else for the first. She is too polite not to wait for you even if there is no hope.”
Richard shrugged as he folded another shirt to stuff into his saddlebag. “I intend to make it back in plenty of time. Besides, it is less than a week to the ball, and she had no other requests.” Looking directly at his cousin, he continued. “Ifyouwanted to dance with her, you should have asked.”
“I…I. You know that I cannot.”
“Cannot or will not?” His cousin stopped his activity to stare at him. “Darcy, I will not pretend interest in a woman I have no intention of pursuing. Nor will I deny my attraction to a worthy lady. Miss Elizabeth is the daughter of a gentleman with more life in her fingernail than most of the females in society. Where you apparently want a prized mare to breed and set on a mantel where she will not disturb your daily activities, I want someone who will make me laugh. I want to feel passion for the woman I wed, that intense longing to spend time together until we are old and gray. If you marry a woman of stone, that is all you will get: a wife who is cold, hard, and unfeeling.”
Had Richard slapped him across the face, Darcy could not have been more stunned. “You have no idea what I want.”
His cousin could not know how painful his words were because Darcy yearned for nothing more than the sort of life that Richard described, for the woman he described. Yet, despite the compelling picture, the simple truth was that being married to someone who would allow Darcy to be at ease around her posed a real danger of secrets being revealed, something he could not, no, would not allow to happen. Time and time again, harmful gossip flew through thetonthat could be traced back to a wife who coerced secrets from her husband duringintimate moments. Like the Biblical account of what Delilah did to Samson, Darcy could not risk being wed to someone he truly wanted, someone who could control him with her charms. If the strongest man in history could not resist beautiful Delilah, then how could he resist someone like Miss Elizabeth?
“Darcy, since the day your father died, your denial of anything that would bring joy into your life has made you overly critical. You sit on your exalted throne to keep everyone away. You have distanced yourself from Georgiana until she no longer knows who you are.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I love you more than my own brother, Darce. We grew up together. I knew you to be a good man with a heart of gold and a will of iron when you learned of an injustice. You are always quick to see to the needs of the people supporting Pemberley, and often, you helped others at university who struggled with class assignments. You used to laugh. Do you remember all the times we would sneak out to the stables to steal one of the barn cats so we could drop it in Pemberley’s kitchen? Cook would yell at us and threaten to chase us with her rolling pin for daring to invade her domain with the mongrel and for sneaking handfuls of biscuits from the tin while she was trying to get the cat out of the room. There were so many times we had fun together. Do you recall any of it?”
He hated that Richard spoke the truth. No longer able to look at his cousin, Darcy moved to the window. “I do.”
“Cousin, I know that losing your father and inheriting young was a terrible blow. The burden of your assets is heavier than even I can imagine, and I have a healthy imagination.” Richard stepped towards him. “It has changed you. Before, you would have smiled at Miss Elizabeth as you greeted her politely. You would have gleefully teased her back just to see the twinkle in her eye. And Wickham? Good lord, Darce! You are harsh toward Miss Elizabeth and lenient toward that reprobate. Why do youextend more mercy toward a man undeserving of it than a young lady who has done nothing to offend you? When he tried to elope with Georgie, you did little more than snarl at him. When I begged to end his life or see him banished for his sins, you stopped me cold. Where is your sense of justice? Where is your sense of decency?”
Darcy felt the blow grievously. He had been unfair, but he had his reasons, and they were valid. His father wrote of failures, consequences, and the potential for ruin. Darcy understood more than Richard what was at stake. If anyone had the right to be upset, it was Darcy, for in this, he had done nothing wrong. He carried the worry of whether Wickham would keep his word or not. He was burdened from every angle by the expectations and actions of others. Anger at the injustice of it all surged through each pore. “You question my honor? How dare you!”
“I dare because you permit Wickham to continue on his course where disaster always follows. What has he ever done for you but caused you heartache and grief? What will you do if he accosts one of Miss Elizabeth’s sisters or even Miss Elizabeth herself? Would you continue to do nothing? Or will you protect her as any gentleman should?”
Each taunting word was like a prick to his skin until his heart’s blood dripped from his fingertips. He had known there would be a day of reckoning with his cousin. Nevertheless, it could not be that day.
“You do not understand,” he whispered through gritted teeth. Since Eton, Wickham did anything within his power to gain his heart’s desire. It would only take one careless comment to open Pandora’s box, destroying Darcy’s name and his sister’s reputation.Had Wickham not been his brother, the least Darcy would have done was seen his carcass rot in Marshalsea or transported to Australia. But this he could not, no, he would not do.
Richard shook his head. “No, I do not. And I guess I will never understand. But I do know how to act. Know it now that I shall pursue Miss Elizabeth to win her friendship and nothing more. However, if I discover that our companionship could last a lifetime, then”—he pointed his finger at Darcy’s chest—“you stop gazing at her with longing. You stopaccidentallyseeking her out. And you stop thinking of the possibility of a future with her. Do you understand?”
He couldn’t breathe. Every inch of him was on fire. Closing his eyes, Darcy’s head fell back. The pain in his chest almost suffocated him. The cost of what Richard demanded was too great.Blast and damnation!
Emptiness threatened to drown him as he finally replied, “I do.”
“It is far too soon to know if we could love one another, and I might find something more diverting than a wife to keep me busy. But know this: once I make my decision, nothing or no one, not even you, will be able to stop me.”
His cousin never spoke less than the truth. These were not idle threats or promises. Darcy wanted to vomit.
Behind him, Richard crammed the rest of his gear into his saddlebags and left without another word.
Cursing under his breath, Darcy rubbed at his heart. He cursed his father for setting him on this course and for the journal he found that revealed the shocking truth. How was he to recover from such a blow? Everything he had ever known or believed changed with the turning of the page.
Leaning against the window’s edge, he watched his cousin strolling across the yard towards the stable. He respected Richard Fitzwilliam. He was a man of honor and incredible courage. He was the brother Darcy thought he never had. Everything he said about Georgiana, Wickham, and Miss Elizabeth was the truth.
In his heart, Darcy agreed with his cousin. Yet, if he veered from his course, if he fought for his desires, the destruction could cause his whole family to shatter. What on earth was he going to do?
CHAPTER 7
“Lizzy, dear, do you think there is anything we might do with this bodice? My shape has changed with age.” Mrs. Hammond pulled at one of the loose threads. “The last time I wore this was when Mr. Hammond and I were in Italy. Even though I thought my gown was lovely, having purchased it directly from Paris, I was severely over-dressed compared to the Venetian ladies. However, Mr. Hammond found it to be lovely. He always liked to spend his coins on my wardrobe. He enjoyed having a well-groomed lady on his arm.”
“He loved havingyouon his arm.” Elizabeth surveyed the gown. It was a beautiful shade of pale rose with an oval neckline that bared the shoulders. The bodice was heavily boned, lacing in the back. Elbow-length sleeves had tiers of lace flounces ending at the wrists. “I do believe there is enough fabric in the skirt alone to design a whole new gown, something modest and becoming to a lady of any age.”
“Then let us proceed.”
The fabric was delicate, so they took their time removing the stitches and the trimmings. By the time they were done with that task, they both admitted that the possibilities were endless.Unexpectedly, Mrs. Hammond fussed over where Mr. Darcy’s ribbon should be attached.
It warmed Elizabeth’s heart that he was attentive to Mrs. Hammond. She wondered at his motive since he had nothing to gain from the elderly lady.
Once the basic form of the new gown was established, they set aside their needles and thread. Elizabeth needed to return to Longbourn and work on redesigning her favorite garment for the ball. She wanted to look her best for the colonel.
Stepping outside the cottage, she was immediately hailed by Mr. Wickham, who was now wearing the uniform of a militia officer.
